Best of 2020: God's Plan for Sex & Marriage: Building on the Right Foundation

The following message from Pastor Greg Laurie is made possible by Harvest Partners, helping people everywhere know God. Hey, I want to hear from you. Would you consider emailing me? You can reach me at Greg at Harvest dot org. Again, that's Greg at Harvest dot org.

And you can also make me one of your friends on Facebook and drop me a comment. It's amazing to me how people will obsess about weddings but forget about marriage if they'll spend more time talking about the house they're going to purchase rather than the home they're going to build. Today, Pastor Greg Laurie helps couples get their marital priorities in order.

It's recognizing what's important and what lasts. So the most important thing is not the house that's the home. The most important thing is not the wedding. It's the marriage.

Build your marriage on the right foundation. This is the day when the lost are found. This is the day for a new beginning. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.

Oh, can you hear when the angels are singing? This is the day, the day when life begins. Imagine getting a nice, thoughtful birthday present for a good friend of yours.

But then when he opens it up, well, he's more excited about the box the gift came in than the gift itself. Well, today on a new beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie points out how couples often do that with those things that surround a marriage. We'll see how to make sure we honor our relationships the way God wants us to. It's a good reminder today that marriage is a covenant between a husband, a wife, and God Himself.

This is the day, the day when life begins. I read an interesting article in the paper a while back about a well-known actress who is getting a divorce. And she sounded a cynical note about marriage in general. She said, and I quote, I don't want to sound bitter because I'm definitely not, but I don't know if people are meant to be together forever, end quote.

Now, this article goes on to say that this actress is not alone and wondering. There's no doubt, particularly as life spans have increased, that there's less certainty about finding and keeping lifelong love with just one person. A 2014 survey of millennials commissioned by the USA Network Drama Satisfaction found 43 percent, listen to this, 43 percent would support a beta marriage model that is testing relationships for two years before deciding to commit or dissolve. A beta marriage model.

And then also 36 percent backed the real estate marriage model in which couples would commit to a set period of time ranging from five to 30 years and at the end have to renegotiate if they want to remain married. Let me help you out, ok, if you think this has some validity. The beta test and the marriage test are not going to work. You do it God's way and it will work.

You do it these other ways, you're already setting the stage for failure. You know, I think that sometimes people think, well, we'll just live together and we'll have all the fringe benefits of marriage without the commitment. And this would be sort of a test run to see how we'll do later if we're ever to get married. But actually that is a good way to set the stage for a divorce, not a successful marriage. I read an article that said couples who live together are gambling and are losing, listen, in 85 percent of the cases.

Many believe the myth that they're in a child marriage, actually it's more like a trial divorce in which eight out of the ten couples will break up before the wedding or afterwards in divorce, ok. So a successful marriage is a total commitment. You just go for it or you don't go for it.

Let me say a word about not going for it. Really, if this is your attitude, if you're not sure if you're marrying the right person, do not get married. You know, as Benjamin Franklin once said, keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards. And I think the problem is we walk into marriage with our eyes half shut. Sometimes a girl will say, this guy has a lot of flaws but he's going to be my project. I'm going to fix him.

News flash. He's probably going to get worse. He's going to just become a more exaggerated version of himself. If you can't love him as he is, if you think you're going to change him, you might be in for a real shot. Same for the guy marrying the girl. And that's why I say if you're not married yet, if you're courting or even if you're engaged and it doesn't work out, go ahead and break up.

Do us all a favor. Break up. Get the breakups over with before the marriage so there will be none after the marriage.

You see? Now my wife and I, we broke up three times. We were young kids too I might add. We courted for three years. There's a word you don't hear anymore. Court. Three years we went out if you will.

And it became an annual event. We broke up. And it was one of those breakups like I never want to see your face again. But then we got back together and finally after the third one we said ok this is it.

We know we are meant for each other and we got married. But honestly this might even surprise you. Even if you had your wedding announcements printed and a month out you decided this is a bad decision. Go ahead and cancel. Just give the gifts back to the people.

That's all I am saying. Be a runaway bride. Try not to do it on the actual wedding day. But my point is figure this out ahead of time because wedlock should be a padlock. And if you are not willing to make that commitment then do us all a favor and stay single.

Ok. But God has a plan. And if we will do it His way He can bless it.

And you know what? God has given us an instruction manual on life. And that includes marriage. And that includes family. And that includes raising children.

And that includes being single. It is called the Bible. B-I-B-L-E. Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. We need to pay attention to what the Bible says. God will tell us how to do this right.

And that is why this series is anchored in a text. But we wonder is it possible to have a marriage where we live happily ever after? Well maybe we ought to lose the fairy tale and just rephrase it as I said earlier. To you can live happily even after if you build your marriage on the right foundation.

Listen. If you see a strong and thriving marriage that did not happen by accident or by default. If a marriage is strong and thriving that is because two people are doing their part.

The man has his part and the woman has her part. And it is amazing to me how people will obsess about weddings but forget about marriage. That they will spend more time talking about the house they are going to purchase rather than the home they are going to build. So the most important thing is not the house. It is the home. The most important thing is not the wedding. It is the marriage.

And here is how to do it right. Ephesians 5. God takes us back to the very beginning. Verse 31. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. We will stop there. Now Paul here is taking us back to the book of Genesis. Specifically to the Garden of Eden. The Garden of Eden. And what do you think of when you envision this amazing place? I think sometimes we see it as more of a mythological place like the city of Atlantis or Neverland or Camelot.

But no listen to this. The Garden of Eden was a real place. And Adam was a real guy. And Eve was a real girl. This is a real story.

These are historical events. But Eden surpassed any beautiful place you have ever seen. Think of the most gorgeous place you have ever been to and magnify that a thousand times and you get a glimpse of the beauty of Eden. And Adam was surrounded by all of God's handiwork in creation, in the plant life, in the animals. And Adam had the coolest job of all time. His job was to discover what God had made. He had to give names to the animals too.

Sure he started running out after a while. But what a wonderful time that was. And the animal kingdom was tamed.

It wasn't hostile like it is now. And so here is this incredible environment. But something was missing.

And actually it was a someone. And Adam didn't know what that was yet because she had not yet been brought into this world. So the Lord had said of all of his creation, It is good. It is good.

It is good. But then God looked at the aloneness of man and said it is not good. So I will make a help meet for him.

Genesis 2 18. I will make a helper comparable to him. It is an interesting phrase if you translate it from the Hebrew. When the Bible speaks of the role of the wife to the husband, a helper is someone who assists another to reach fulfillment.

It can also be translated someone who comes to rescue another. Eve would rescue Adam. And Adam would rescue Eve from loneliness and much more. I heard a story.

You may not have heard this story. But God and Adam were having a conversation. And Adam asked God after the Lord made Eve, Wow Lord why did you make her so beautiful? God said to Adam so you would love her. Adam said God why did you make her so soft? God said again so you would love her. Then Adam asked God why did you make her so stupid?

God said so she would love you. It is just a joke. Of course women are not stupid. Let's just say that at the outset.

That is a silly story. But God has invented marriage and it is insane to me that we think we can now redefine it. God decides. We built our very nation the United States of America on the foundation of marriage and the family. George Washington our first president warned that we can never expect in his words, The smiles of heaven on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right which heaven itself has ordained. So as we disregard God's rules.

Disregard God's laws. We are going to pay a price for it. It has been said that a family can survive without a nation but the nation cannot survive without the family. God has given us this template.

And the further we get from it the worse things become. And by the way this institution of marriage has been tested by millions of people over centuries and in multiple cultures. And it's not only survived it's flourished. Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a moment. We love to hear stories of how lives have been changed through Pastor Greg's radio teaching from God's Word. Pastor Greg has been instrumental in my walk with the Lord. I came to Christ 11 years ago after having been an addict for 17 years. I just started hearing him on the radio.

My mom used to leave it on that station so that maybe I would hear something. Well what I heard back then is still helping me today along with all the things I've heard in between. In every way in every part of my life. He's helped me and I'm so grateful. Thank you Pastor Greg.

God bless you. We're so glad to hear that this program is changing lives. And if you have a story to tell I hope you'll contact us today. Tell us your story by calling 866-871-1144.

That's 866-871-1144. Well our subject today is marriage. From our series of most requested messages of the last year, Pastor Greg is highlighting God's plan for sex and marriage.

Okay so let's drill down a little deeper now. Why did God bring the woman to the man? Because she would bring what was missing in his life and the purpose and objective of marriage can be summed up in two words. Go back to Ephesians 5 31. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh. I want you to write down two words if you're taking notes. The words are leave and cleave. Leave and cleave. Two very important words that must be in constant play in the marriage relationship to keep it vibrant and strong.

So it's leave and cleave or sever and attach to or loosen and secure. A successful marriage begins with a leaving. A leaving of all other relationships. Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that you don't have other relationships. You're still a child to your parents. You're still a sibling.

You're still that person. But now a new relationship, a new family has emerged and that should become your number one priority. The closest relationship outside of marriage is specified here. A man will leave his father and his mother. Meaning that if it's necessary to leave your father and mother then all lesser ties must be broken, changed, or left behind. The primary responsibility of a husband is to his wife. The primary responsibility is of a wife to her husband. You still honor your parents but a leaving must take place. And this can be detrimental in the marriage if you don't do it.

So get this figured out ahead of time. I heard about a guy that wanted to get married in the worst way. So he found a girl and took her home to meet his parents. His mother didn't like her. He found another girl and took her home to meet his parents. Again his mother didn't like her.

He took four more girls home to meet his parents. Mother didn't like her. So he went on and found a girl that looked like his mother, dressed like his mother, talked like his mother. In fact she was like his mother in every way. But the problem is now his father didn't like her. So then there is that. This boy needed to leave his father and mother I think.

He joined his wife. Leaving also means giving other relationships lesser degrees of importance. Let me say that again. Leaving as in leaving and cleaving also means giving other relationships a lesser degree of importance. Listen guys. You can still have your buddies, girls. You can still have your girlfriends.

Have those relationships. But the most important relationship is that of you to your spouse. So it is kind of hard to have a best friend that isn't your husband or wife. You can have close friends but your best friend should be your spouse. And I hope I don't need to tell you that it is very problematic to have close friendships with members of the opposite sex. Right? So if you say to your wife, hey honey I am going out with my best friend Mary.

And we are going to go to dinner and then do a movie. But there is nothing here to worry about. Forget that. Ok. That just has to stop. You can't do that.

Your best friend should be your spouse. Here is a really key verse. You might want to write it down and look at it later. But I will read it to you. It is Malachi 2.13. God says, the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth to whom you have been faithless although she is your companion and wife.

It is interesting. So God is approving the individual for unfaithfulness. But he refers to the wife as not just the wife but your companion and your wife. See your wife isn't just your wife. She is your companion and your wife. And the word companion means someone that you are united with in thoughts, goals, plans, and efforts. Thoughts, goals, plans, and efforts.

Your companion. This same idea is communicated over in 1 Peter 3. Husbands dwell with your wives with understanding giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel as being heirs together of the grace of life so your prayers be not hindered. So actually what Peter is saying is hey you need to understand how important your wife is because if you don't, if you are not united with who you ought to be your prayers will be hindered.

Let me ask a question of some of you guys. Have you wondered maybe why your prayers don't seem to go anywhere lately? Could it be that because you have not honored your wife as you should that that has actually hindered your prayer life?

The Bible says that can happen. And by the way the word that Peter uses there for dwell with your wife doesn't mean just live with her. It means to be aligned to or give maintenance to. To be aligned to or to give maintenance to. We maintain our homes. Things break.

You have to re-landscape, repaint, change this, change that. Something is always breaking in the house right? Things happen in cars too. You have to maintain your car. You know you have got to put gas in your car. You have to put oil in your car. Periodically you have to change the tires on your car.

You take your car in for a tune up. But some of us wait until the idiot light goes off to do that. That would be me. Thank you very much. And I wonder if we need an idiot light in our marriages.

Wouldn't that be nice? A little light goes off. Idiot. Idiot.

You are neglecting your wife. Idiot. Idiot.

You are not respecting your husband. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Pay attention to this.

This is a warning. Yeah but we neglect these things. And so take in the analogy of a car. I love old cars that have been restored. Do any of you like old cars? I love them.

Ok. So when I see a perfectly restored, you know 57 Chevy cruising along. I say that is beauty on wheels right there. I love that.

My wife doesn't understand it. Oh whoa look at that. What? That car. Yeah so it is an old car. No but look at it.

It is perfectly restored. You know I don't know why I just notice things like that. Ok so think of your marriage as a car. The idea is not to take your spouse and trade them in on the new model.

The idea is to be the original owner and turn it into a classic that will stay on the road forever. Do that with your marriage. So periodically it is a good idea to take stock of your life and your marriage and say is there anything I am doing that is hurting my relationship with my spouse. You know I pay attention with Kathy.

He says Greg I don't like it when you do that. Or this concerns me. Now it may seem trivial to me. Ok. I may dismiss and say well that is ridiculous.

No but wait. If it means something to her it should mean something to me. And same with her. You know when this I don't like this thing here that is happening. You need to listen to each other in these areas and take stock.

And if there is another relationship or maybe it is your career. Hey it could even be your ministry. And it is becoming more important to you than your first ministry which is to your wife and your children. Then you need to reevaluate and you need to realign again as the Scripture tells us we should.

Listen to this. I believe that husbands hold the key to a successful marriage. So you know well Greg why do you single out the husbands? Well because God has called the man to be the spiritual leader in the home. God has called the man to be the initiator.

What are men told to do? They are told to love their wife as Christ loves the church. Well why does the church love Christ?

Because He first loved us. So the wife's submission. The wife's respect comes as a response to her husband's loving servant leadership.

You see. Just like we became Christians because Jesus won us over with His undying love. With His everlasting love. And we said I want to follow Jesus so the husband can win over his wife for the way that he loves her and the way that he serves her. But sadly in too many relationships the husband is not the spiritual leader. In fact the wife is often the spiritual leader.

And the husband is well passive at best and sometimes hostile at worst. We don't want that now do we? We want the husband to be the leader God has called him to be. Good insights from Pastor Greg Laurie's message today called God's Plan for Sex and Marriage. It's from our series of top ten most requested messages of the year here on A New Beginning.

If you'd like a permanent copy of today's insight get in touch and mention the message titled God's Plan for Sex and Marriage. And we can help you with your order when you call 1-800-821-3300. We're here to take your call 24-7. Again the number 1-800-821-3300.

Or go online to harvest.org. You know Pastor Greg a year ago when 2020 started we were all thinking oh brand new year rainbows and butterflies. And then it just seemed to turn to mushroom clouds and murder hornets. You know the year just disintegrated. Well as we start 2021 we do have hopes and dreams. In spite of last year's tumult we saw more than 140,000 people make professions of faith through this ministry. So we have even bigger plans for 2021.

Why don't you explain some of that to us? Well we had some pretty lofty plans for 2020. We came out and said we want to see 100,000 people come to Christ by the end of the year. This is before COVID and we had a number of ways we were hoping to do this including a giant crusade where we're doing it at a stadium in Los Angeles. A three night crusade at Angel Stadium plus a movie called Jesus Revolution which was going to be a feature film in the theaters. Well everything changed when COVID-19 showed up. Theaters shut down.

We couldn't do our live stadium events. So we pivoted online for our weekend program that we call Harvest at Home which is like church in your home. And through that and also our outreach film that we did called A Rush of Hope we saw well over 100,000 people make a profession of faith. So we not only met the goal that we set, we exceeded it. And I have to give God the glory.

And I think in this coming year we have a once in a lifetime opportunity. I think people are really searching right now. There's so much uncertainty in the air and people need answers and we have the answers folks. And those answers are found in the Bible.

And they're found in a relationship with God that takes place through Jesus Christ. We took 30 years of what we have learned in evangelistic crusades and built them into a movie. A movie that presents beautiful stories of lives that have been changed by the gospel and a concise, straightforward message from the gospel telling people how to accept Christ.

And thousands have responded to that invitation. Imagine you can now have this tool in your hand to play when you want to play it for whoever you want to play it for. And it's a DVD version of our film A Rush of Hope. And I want to get you a copy as quickly as possible.

And listen to this, I could charge you for it and say this is how much you have to pay. No, we're giving it to you for your gift of any size. Whatever you can send to support our ministry will be used to reach more people with the gospel. So I want to encourage you, order your copy of A Rush of Hope and close a gift, I hope it's a generous one, so we can see more people come to know Jesus Christ. I think you're going to love it. Oh yeah, absolutely.

And we hope you'll get in touch right away. And when you send that donation, we'd like to thank you with this new DVD of A Rush of Hope. Not only are we offering this on a DVD, but there's also a special digital download code we will provide for you.

What that means is you'll have the DVD to show to whoever you want to show it to, but you can download it to your phone, you can download it to your tablet device, or to your computer, and then watch it or show it whenever you want. Carry it around with you even. And you can have an evangelistic crusade in your pocket.

Yeah, there's really nothing else like it. And again, we'll send it your way to say thank you for your generous donation right now. So get in touch today at A New Beginning, Box 4000, Riverside, CA 92514. Or call 1-800-821-3300 any time, 24 hours a day. That's 1-800-821-3300. Or go online to harvest.org. Well, next time, more insights from Pastor Greg about God's plan for sexual intimacy within marriage. Be sure to tune in for more from our series of most requested messages of the year.