The Most Challenging of All Relationships (Part Two), Part 2

The most valuable things in life take time, time to maintain, time to nurture, time to enjoy. Today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll presents part two of a message introduced last week. It's based on a practical section of Scripture in Ephesians 5 where Paul gives a strong admonition to husbands and wives. As we examine his counsel, we'll be reminded that cultivating a healthy marriage relationship requires hard work, intentional sacrifice, and following the biblical pattern established thousands of years ago.

Chuck titled his message, The Most Challenging of All Relationships. We're working our way through the letter to the Ephesians and we've come to a very important part the wives have been waiting for. We arrive at it today as we search the scriptures, especially verses 25 to 33. I want us to bow our heads for a few moments of quietness. You brought with you today certain needs. I want you to join with us in prayer. I want us all to enter into this time. This is a great occasion for you to release whatever is heavy on your mind, weighing you down as if you're carrying a burden. This is an opportunity for us to remember another person that may come to mind today.

You may be going through a desperate situation. They may be in a dangerous place or a painful place, or you may be. Our Father, today we find relief in knowing that you're there, and we talk to you as though you were sitting right next to us this day. For indeed, though we cannot see you by faith, we believe you're there, whom having not seen, we love, in whom though now we see him not yet believing, we rejoice with a joy that's unspeakable.

You bring us such relief and release in life, our Father, it would be so lonely without you. The nights would linger interminably. The pressure would be more than we could bear.

The tests would be incalculable. Were we to be in this journey alone, but thankfully we're not. We ask you to take every part of that which makes us who we are—our temperament, our personality, our gifts, our drives, our ambitions, our dreams, our failures, our hopes, our sorrows, our disappointments, everything that makes up whatever is life for us. Take our lives and let them be set apart to Thee. Take whatever we have, take whoever we love, take wherever you find us, and let it be set apart to Thee. We ask you to take care of those people and situations that are beyond our ability to fix or change. Relieve our minds of the worry of it all, because like thorns and briar that grow around a lovely garden and finally choke out the blooms, these things have a way of choking us, and we are not able even to hear what you have to say today.

Even hear the things that aren't said that are often the most important. And while you're taking these things, Lord, we ask you to take our silver and our gold. Not a mite would we withhold. Everything we have is yours. You own it all.

Even things we call our savings and our investments and our nest eggs and those things, all the terms from our culture, you own it all. We have a pleasure now, like at no other place in our lives, to give to you for the work that will outlive us in a world that has long ago lost its way. Give us a sense of refreshment and redirection and rejoicing as we give to you today. Take our lives and let them be consecrated, Lord, to thee. In the sweet name of Jesus, our Savior and our tender God, we pray.

Amen. His message is titled, The Most Challenging of All Relationships. John R. W. Stott, in his book on Ephesians, writes this, and I agree with him. Whenever the husband's headship mirrors the headship of Christ, then the wife's submission to the protection and provision of his love, far from detracting her womanhood, will positively enrich it. A woman who is loved as she is to be loved by a husband, a woman who is led in the capacity of the Spirit's filling as she is meant to be led, will absolutely find her life enriched in a marriage. The dominant thread for the woman is respect for her husband, which is seen in verse 33. The dominant thread for the man is to love his wife. Interestingly, the wife is not commanded to love the husband.

It's great if she does, but she's not commanded to love her husband. We are commanded to love our wives. It's a command. It's a verb. It's an imperative coming right from the pen of Paul before the word husbands is dry in ink. The word love appears in verse 25. Husbands, seek the highest good of your wife.

Seek her highest good. And as I've said, it's commanding. It's a command. It's an imperative.

Now let me give you a little quiz to see if you are fairly alert here. There are two analogies that the apostle uses to describe this love, or to illustrate this love. Each one is introduced with the word as. Verse 25, love her as Christ loved the church. That's the first one. Down in verse 28 is the second. Husbands ought also to love their own wives as, there's that word again, their own bodies. I've circled the two words as in my Bible. As Christ loved the church, that's verse 25, as the man takes care of or loves his own body. Let's look at those two.

Let's study the pattern. First, verse 25, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. I want to give you four words. Sacrifice, sanctify, forgive, honor.

Where do I get those words? Well, from verses 25 through 27, all four words either appear or they are implied. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. And how did he love the church? He gave himself up for her. That's the word sacrifice. Sacrifice. When my love is like the love of Christ for the church, I give up things for my wife. Christianity engages in the subject of sacrifice. Present your bodies as a living sacrifice. Doesn't say that in Romans 12. One, present your bodies as a living sacrifice. Except this isn't to Christ, this is to set apart oneself for the wife's benefit. Good question to ask ourselves husbands is this, do I love her enough to die for her?

If I'm to love my wife as Christ loved the church, I'm to be willing to give myself up for her. Forgive me for interrupting my talk here, but maybe to get your attention, this is serious stuff guys. This is straight talk. This isn't entertaining.

This isn't about what I want to tell you or what you'd like to hear. This is the pattern. These are the threads woven into his plan for the marriage. It starts with sacrifice. If your love isn't sacrificial, she knows it and it's having an impact on your marriage because you're selfish. You're unwilling to give up for her. She can tell it.

And she knows something's wrong, she just may not know exactly what it is. It just comes out as being an unsacrificial kind of union. That won't work.

It won't do it. Second, sanctify, verse 26, so that he might sanctify her. What in the world does that mean? To sanctify something is to set it apart for its original purpose.

Don't miss that. When something is sanctified, it's not a religious term. It has a religious connotation, but it's not a religious term. For example, when you came into this building, you sanctified the chair when you sat down in it. You fulfilled its original purpose. It was made not to be carried. It was made not to be put in your car.

It was made not to be painted. Originally, the chair was made to be set in. When you set in it, you set it apart for its original purpose.

When I put on this tie today, I set apart this tie because it's made to be worn not to hang in a closet. When I put my glasses on today, immediately when I got out of bed so that I would know where I was, I sanctified, I set them apart for their original purpose so I could see clearly and I could read. When you got in your car to drive to this meeting, you put your key in the ignition and when you started driving, you sanctified your car.

You fulfilled its original purpose of being built. Now having said all of that about chairs and ties and glasses and cars, what does that have to do with a marriage? You set your wife's purpose apart and you and she agree on what that is.

You help her fulfill her purpose as a wife. Now if you don't know where to start, go back to the pattern. Look at Genesis chapter 2. Let's go when marriage was first invented. The Lord created it.

So let's check with the Creator. Genesis 2 verse 18. I love this verse. Then the Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him. The very first term used to describe the purpose of the wife is helping. She's one who assists in the fulfillment of this relationship. I often have said in teaching this that the Lord gave the man the melody line in the music and he gave the woman the harmony part.

You sing the obbligato, if you will. If you love music, you know what I'm referring to. You are the one that adds color and harmony and beauty to the relationship.

Otherwise it's rather meat and potatoes, plain old primitive line called melody. The man leads in the melody but the woman is the helper suitable for him. She fits him. She is arranged by God to know fulfillment in that relationship that's setting her apart for that purpose.

Have you done that? I read this past week of a husband sitting next to his wife as they, as a couple, were sitting in his place. She was filling out an official document and she came to the line that said occupation at a line there. And she wrote housewife. He frowned and tenderly put his arm around her and he said, honey, you're not a housewife. You're my wife. Now you know what I, right there, the husbands are going, what? And every wife is going, I know exactly what you're saying.

Exactly. We are just different frequency. She felt a rush of fulfillment when his arm was placed around her shoulders and he pulled up close to her and said tenderly, you're not wiping a house. You're mine. You're mine. I couldn't be what I am without you. I couldn't know what life is about without you in my life.

You're my wife. There's an enormous sense of pleasure in that and fulfillment. Having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, verse 26 closes. When I read cleansing, I think of forgiving. So I've chosen that word. The Lord tells us that when it comes to the church, he's cleansed us.

Isn't that great? When you and I came to the cross in our unsaved state, in our lost condition, when we came to salvation, when we came to the open arms of Jesus who said, come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. When we came to him by faith and trusted him and him alone by faith alone, he cleansed our lives. Never will he tell us now turn around and look, look how dirty you were. It's cleansed.

It's forgiven. He never shames us for the life we once lived. He never holds us in probation to get past the life we once lived.

When we come to the cross, there is an immediate erasing of the chalkboard and it is blank. As far as east is from west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. He cleansed us. What does this have to do with marriage?

A lot. One of the threads you must choose as a husband in order to make this tapestry what it was meant to be is forgiveness. Regular forgiveness. 1 John 1 says the blood of Jesus Christ, God's son, keeps on cleansing us from all sin. Even uses the same word cleansing us. Keeps on cleansing.

Isn't that a great thought? Constantly cleansing. Every day I count on him for that. I go to him and I say, Lord, I spoke too quickly. I said what I shouldn't have said and I didn't say it well.

And I didn't say it with the right motive. I ask you to cleanse my verbal sin that I just committed. My thoughts aren't clean and when they aren't clean and I come to terms with unclean thoughts, I'll say, Lord, I ask you to clean my thoughts. I ask you to forgive me for going there and thinking with greed or with lust or with anger. I ask you to cleanse me. Now, wives need forgiving, need forgiveness.

Okay? She's imperfect. She chose you, didn't she?

I mean, tells you something right there about her discernment. And there are times that you will find she will do things for the wrong motive. She will be stubborn. She will be inappropriate. She will lash out and she will say things that later, realizing her wrong, she'll feel terrible about. Your role is to forgive her.

Forgive her before she even asks forgiveness. Say, well, man, Chuck, it's getting tougher. Well, that's part of the pattern. That's why he chooses the threads.

This is what makes it work. Chances are good hearing me right now, our husbands who have dropped anchor. They've dropped anchor and they've gotten hung up on something that the wives have done that shouldn't have been done and you're stuck.

Pull any anchor. Tell her she's forgiven. If that's necessary, assure her of it. The Lord cleanses us by the washing of water and the word. How about it, my fellow husbands? Your relationship with your now long-standing bride marked by forgiveness.

There's a fourth I'm calling honoring. Look at verse 27, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory. This is a great word picture. You've been to a great wedding. Pastors are fortunate who do weddings because they get to see the whole thing. I get to watch grooms as they stand there, just nervous as they can be, having just talked them into coming out and standing there. And then I get to look at the bride as she's brought from the bride's room and she's prepared to come down and looking at her daddy who's trying to remember his one line that he has and the whole, I get to see it all. And then I watch as the wedding march begins and she starts down that aisle. It is one of the most glorious moments you can ever watch as a minister of the gospel. All of a sudden, the groom is enraptured with her. She's wearing a garment so carefully chosen she'll never again in her life choose one more carefully.

And here she is in all of her glory and here he stands ready to take her and to present themselves before these who have gathered as witnesses. It's wonderful. I'm a romantic all over again every time I come to that setting.

It's terrific. The most amazing things happen in weddings. All this emotion and the father standing there trying to remember. I've heard fathers say when I say, who gives this woman, he'll say, my mother and I do.

Then he tries to sit down by his mother and he's not going to sit down and sit by me. I'll tell you that. And then it's great moment when they come stepping up to the platform and they are there and the lights are there and the other lights are low and the candles are burning. And then the greatest words they'll ever share called their vows are spoken.

It's magnificent as she is there in all of her glory. It's honor. It's called honor.

We don't use it much outside the military. Honoring our wives. Placing them on our hearts as objects of honor. Our topic today is cultivating love and respect in the home and in particular in our most treasured relationship. You're listening to Insight for Living. To learn more about this ministry, visit us online at insightworld.org.

Well here on this last day of November, most of us can feel the seasonal momentum beginning to pivot from Thanksgiving to the Christmas celebration ahead. With December starting tomorrow, I'll take this occasion to draw your attention to a stunning illustrated resource offered by Insight for Living and intended to brighten your holiday. It's a beautiful coffee table book that recounts some of our favorite stories in the Bible with masterful illustrations that will capture the imagination of the entire family. It's called Kregel's Treasury of Illustrated Bible Stories. And this large book will become a centerpiece on your coffee table and a favorite among your children and grandchildren. To purchase the coffee table book called Kregel's Treasury of Illustrated Bible Stories, go to insight.org. And by the way, this colorful book would make a fabulous gift for family and friends. If you prefer, call us.

If you're listening in the U.S., use this number, 1-800-772-8888. And then as we look back over the last 12 months, we're grateful for the countless notes, calls, and letters we received describing the challenges you've endured and telling us how much you value the ministry of Insight for Living. 2020 has been a tough year.

Chuck? Thanks Dave. No one has come through the challenges of 2020 completely unscathed. All of us have suffered loss at some level. Whether we've lost someone we love to the coronavirus or suffering a financial setback or maybe you've been removed from seeing your family as you would love to do, all of us have stories to tell.

I know this is true because during the pandemic of 2020, I've heard from many of you. I've read your stories, some of them heart-rending. These shared stories of struggle have woven us together. In fact, in this history of Insight for Living Ministries, I've never felt a greater connection to our family of supporters all around the world, even though many of us have been self-isolated or even quarantined.

Thankfully, because of the internet and the reliability of our radio stations, our daily visits on Insight for Living have continued during this year without interruption. And as God provides through men and women like you, we promise to be with you every single day in 2021 as well. Along those lines, can I count on your support as we come to December 31? Many have already given generously to help us enter the new year with strength.

Some, due to the challenges imposed by this pandemic, have not been able to do so. We fully understand. Yet, many of us can give and even should give. God will lead us in how much we should give and when we should do that. So, as we conclude the unforgettable year of 2020, I'm personally inviting you to participate in the mission of Insight for Living Ministries. Please give a generous end-of-the-year donation as you are able. Let's pull together as a family, one member at a time. Thanks so much for doing your part.

And here's how to respond to Chuck Swindoll right now. To give a donation, call us. If you're listening in the United States, dial 1-800-772-8888 or go directly to our website and give online at Insight.org. Many have chosen to give by using Insight for Living's convenient mobile app. Just click on the donate button and follow the simple instructions. Or if you prefer, you can speak with one of our friendly ministry reps by calling us. If you're listening in the United States, dial 1-800-772-8888 or go directly to our website and give online at Insight.org.

I'm Dave Spiker. Chuck Swindoll continues his message about the most challenging of all relationships, Tuesday on Insight for Living. The preceding message, The Most Challenging of All Relationships, Part 2, was copyrighted in 2000, 2001, and 2009. And the sound recording was copyrighted in 2009 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.