February 16-2019

Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Roseburger. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. Are you putting yourself between an impaired loved one and even worse disaster? Are you pushing a wheelchair? Are you staying up in the hospital throughout the night? Are you doing laundry for somebody who is bedridden? Are you taking care of a special needs child? Do you have an alcoholic in your life? Somebody who's dealing with addiction issues? Somebody who has mental illness in your orbit and you are affected by this. You are helping with this.

You are putting yourselves literally sometimes in danger by caring for them. If that's you, then this is the show for you. 888-589-8840 is the number to call. The phone lines are open 888-589-8840. For those of you watching on Facebook live, we do stream the show. There's an audio input problem. So we're going to go off of that in just a little bit, but you'll be able to stream it at afr.net.

We've got some kind of audio problem on that. So I apologize for that. You could certainly log in to see me at Hope for the Caregiver, if that's something that you feel important to do, but you know, there's a reason I have a radio show and not a television show.

Just saying I have the hair for TV, but the face for radio and no, no, actually I'm not kidding, but I do have the hair for TV. 888-589-8840. America has a growing problem with family caregivers and they're not even recognizing it. I know that everything else gets the attention right now and so many things deservedly so, but when you have a population as big as this, and some people say it's 43 million. Others say it's over 65 million.

The numbers are all over the map. I could tell you that it is a vast group of people who do not truly see to their own needs as they rush to put themselves between a loved one and even worse disaster. Now how do you help these people? What does it look like to help these people? And is help even possible for them or do they just have to just white knuckle it until their loved one passes away and then they can get on with their lives? Well, if you've got a special needs child, this is your life. If you've got somebody that is not terminal, this is your life. A lot of times people think of caregivers, they think of, you know, nursing homes or they think of, uh, uh, you know, that kind of thing. No, I've been a caregiver since I was 22 for a wife who's had traumatic injuries from a car wreck and you know, both legs amputated, 80 plus surgeries that I can count. A hundred doctors have treated her, 12 different hospitals, seven different insurance companies.

This has been going on since Reagan was president. So caregiving comes in a lot of different forms. A lot of people are, are struggling with somebody in their family who has an addiction issue. You know, that's a chronic illness.

And if you are, if you are dealing with that, it's, it's, um, they're not going to get better. They're going to have to go into a recovery program and if they're not doing it, it's going to get even more out of control. If they do it and if they go into a recovery program, they're still dealing with these issues for life. You know, we're at the ultimate recovery program is, is the sanctification of Christ. And that's what we're going to be doing for the rest of our lives in our Christian journey is going through that sanctification program with Christ. We're going to have relapses of sin and that's why we need grace.

And so the principles that we talk about on this show are all biblically rooted and they make just absolute common sense. But common sense gets thrown out the window sometimes when we're dealing with an impaired loved one. And that impairment could be something as simple as a diagnosis of a disease or some type of addiction issue or it could be Alzheimer's. It could be, who knows, trauma in my wife's case.

There's all kinds of different scenarios, but they have lifelong implications for us as caregivers. So what do we do? How do we function?

What does that look like? And these are the issues that we want to talk about on this show, want to talk about with you. I'd like to start off with the scripture Proverbs 3, 5 through 6. You all know this scripture, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. I think that is for us as caregivers, we are, we are dealing with a lot of crooked paths. We don't know where to go and it seems like we're just constantly being buffeted around. But as we trust in God with all of our heart and lean not on our own understanding, we find ourselves able to navigate more smoothly in this.

But what does that look like? And by the way, lean not on your own understanding. There's a reason it's in scripture.

You know why? Because we lean on our own understanding. It's important for us to not just go with what, don't believe everything you think. That's another way of saying that.

Don't believe everything you think. It's like the, it's like the guy that went to the televangelist, went up on stage with the televangelist to pray and get him to pray for him and ask him to pray for his hearing. So the televangelist started shaking him, stuck his fingers in his ear, shouting at him and all this kind of stuff.

And, and after a couple of minutes of just, just loud boisterous prayer, the televangelist working up to a froth and everything. He says, how's your hearing? He said, well, I don't know. It's not until Tuesday at the courthouse. He didn't get any clarification. He leaned on his own. That's funny.

I don't care who you are. That's what we're looking for is to stop and get some clarification. Don't just believe everything you think, because when you get in a situation as a caregiver, it can take you down some, some very, very dark paths and you can get, your mind can play all kinds of tricks on you. And in that isolation that caregivers feel, we make terrible decisions.

How do I know this? Because I'm the crash test dummy of caregivers. If you could fail at it, I failed at it. And yet you can learn from these things as well. And you can learn from my mistakes.

888-589-8840. That's why we do the show. Not because I have the answers. I don't have the answers, but what we do is we bang around ideas here together so that we can safely navigate and help each other get to that place where we can catch our breath and then hear those answers and find those answers and find those paths of solution. That's what we do as the body of Christ. We pull together and help each other in this manner and encourage each other. Those of us who've been down this road a little longer time, we have a responsibility and a stewardship opportunity to assist others the way we've been assisted.

Paul says that in Corinthians, we comfort one another with the same comfort that we ourselves are received from the God of all comfort. We don't lean on our own understanding. It is, it is a incredibly disorienting thing to go through this long, often very long valley of the shadow of death.

It is. It is an incredibly disorienting process. And how do you safely navigate through that?

What does that look like? And are you feeling that way right now? Are you struggling with that? Do you feel like you just, you're just lost? Every turn you take is a wrong turn.

Is that where your heart is? You are. This is the show for you.

888-589-8840 plus, plus if you have been down this road for a while, take a moment to call in and just offer some insights you've learned along this journey. What have you learned from, from this, this long journey? That's how we do it. We build each other up and we strengthen each other in this journey. It is a hard thing to care for somebody with an impairment. I know it is a difficult, difficult thing to do.

It's even worse if you try to do it alone and you're not. And we're live on American Family Radio with the nation's number one show for you as a family caregiver. I'm Peter Rosenberger, 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840.

The phone lines are open. We'll get to your calls in a little bit. Don't go away.

We'll be right back. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger and in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated.

I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis we purchase and ship equipment and supplies.

And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com.

I'm Gracie and I am standing with hope. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger bringing you three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not. And you as a family caregiver are an at risk individual.

Make no mistake about this. If this is your life and you have somebody in your life who is dealing with some type of chronic impairment from special needs children to aging parents, some type of chronic impairment from addiction to Alzheimer's. If this is you, then this is your show.

888-589-8840. We are interested in helping those who are pushing the wheelchair, those who are standing in the hospital room corner night after night, having a meltdown in the hospital park parking lot. Been there done that.

Those who are staring at the ceiling fan every night and having a conversation with it, doing laundry. I wrote an article, it was in several publications this week about Valentine's day. And here's something too that I want to just address quickly.

I know Valentine's day is over. However, I thought I'd throw this out there to you and then we'll get to the phone lines. A lot of men I'm finding out now are dealing with this with their wives who are caregivers for aging parents and the traditional roles of women in the home of taking care of the household duties and so forth. Those things get thrown out the window when you're a caregiver. If you're clinging to those types of stereotype roles, then that something's got to change because it is unfair for you as a man. And I'm just speaking to men right now. It is unfair for you as a man to expect your wife to spend a day taking care of her mother, bathing her or wiping her or whatever it is, or her father and come home to a house with dirty laundry and a messy kitchen and delivery or takeout at best for dinner. There is no reason why you as a man cannot do the laundry and do it well, change, make up the bed, go grocery shopping and pick out heart healthy things and properly stocked pantries. You don't just go to Costco and buy a pallet of toilet paper and come home and think you've really done something spectacular.

You don't need a gallon of mustard to do better shopping, get the bills paid on time and take care of it. And when your wife, when your Valentine is a caregiver, and I know the day has passed, but remember this for next year and year round, to have her come home to a messy house and you're wanting to somehow have romance, and she's been watching her mother or father or loved one die and dealing with this, sometimes getting cussed out while doing it because of dementia or whatever else is going on. And then to come home to a clueless and needy husband, that's unconscionable. Stop it.

Just stop it. There is no reason, I mean, and for Valentine's, everybody wants to give chocolate or flowers or lingerie. And I say, if you're a caregiver, I mean, if your Valentine is a caregiver, then yeah, you could get chocolate, but let that be a box of chocolate on a freshly folded or put away pile of laundry that's done in a sparkling clean bathroom, put some flowers in that. And I mean, clean that bathroom, make up that bed, change the sheets, all of the above, and don't lay out lingerie, lay out very comfortable pajamas and help her get to bed and go to sleep. That's the kind of thing that you do for your caregiving spouse.

Because that's the thing, that's what our savior does for us, for his spouse, for his loved one, which is us, the wounded bride of Christ. And when you start putting demands on your loved one who's serving as a caregiver to somehow meet your needs just because you never took the time to learn how to do the laundry and cook and iron and all that kind of stuff, wow. That's a whole different level of clueless and selfish, isn't it? We're going to help change that on here. That is no way to treat somebody who's caring for someone.

The emotional angst that's going on in a caregiver's heart is beyond what you can really understand unless you've done it. Let's be kind to each other on this. Let's care for one another in this and let's do it with specificity. Let's don't just say, hey, well, let me know if I can help with anything or I'll bring home pizza for dinner. Fix a nice dinner. And by the way, dinner's not over until the kitchen's clean and in pristine condition. And I had a guy call in one time and say, oh yeah, but I worked two jobs.

And he stopped and realized who he was talking to. I've been doing this for a long time. I cook, I clean, I do laundry. I do it all. And sometimes I do it with a glad heart.

Sometimes I'm kind of grinding my teeth a little bit. But the point is we pick up whatever tools are necessary to get the job done. And this is not about gender equality. This is just about consideration.

This is just about kindness. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840. If you don't know how to do laundry, call the show. We'll tell you how to do it. And by the way, the iron is not some magical device. You can pick it up and use it and iron some clothes. You can do that for your caregiving spouse. You can do that. It's not hard to iron. The instructions are right there on it.

And you look at the tag of what you're dealing with and you can do it. I promise you can do it. All right. Eric in New Mexico. Good morning, Eric. How you feeling, Eric? I'm doing wonderful. Doing absolutely fantastic. And thank you for having me on your show.

Well, let me tell you something, Eric. It's a little early where you are in New Mexico, isn't it? Yes, sir. I usually get up around three 30 corner of the four in the morning. Been doing it for over 30 years. On purpose?

Yes. Well, I'm in Montana, so it's a little early here too. What's on your heart and mind? What's on my heart and mind today is starting up your show, you were saying something about addiction and how some folks have to go through programs and centers to deal with it. My deal today is I have gone through with alcohol battle with it is about the age of 15. And in 2011, on the third of July 2011, I had one of those things with alcohol referred to as a moment of clarity. And I decided to stop drinking. And I went back to school, finished college, went to a 10 month program.

And it'll be going on nine years, just July 3, 2019. And I have not touched a drop. I'm as sober as a preacher on Sunday.

Well, that's not necessarily always the best analogy because there's a lot of preachers that aren't very sober on Sunday. All that notwithstanding, congratulations on that. Congratulations on that. But let me ask you a question, Eric. Are you married?

Yes. How long have you been married? 13 years. Now you've been sober for how long?

I'll be going on nine this July. How's your wife doing? Doing wonderful.

Does she go to any kind of recovery program for spouses or family members of alcoholics? No, ma'am. No, sir. I mean, no, ma'am.

Thanks for, thanks for recognizing the difference. I'm sorry. Go ahead. No. Does she go to a program for family members of people with alcoholism? No. Has she considered some of that for herself? No, sir.

Ask her if she would like to do that because, you know, she had to watch you go through all this stuff and she had to deal with that roller coaster of your life. What about your kids? You got kids? Yes.

I have one child with autism. How's he doing? She or he? She's doing really well. In fact, she's an AB honor roll student since she started school. And how old is she? 11. All right. So she, she missed the worst of all this stuff, but your wife did not.

Don't underestimate the impact of something like this on a family member, on a spouse. Um, in fact, um, have you seen, um, uh, do you know who Russ Taff is? The singer? Repeat that name again.

Russ Taff. We played one of his songs coming into this break and, uh, he and his wife have a movie out. Uh, guys won all kinds of double awards, Grammy awards, all that kind of stuff.

Just an amazing singer. And he and his wife have a movie out called, I Still Believe, and it details his journey through alcoholism and her journey through his alcoholism. And, um, I would recommend the movie and I think it's coming out as a book. Uh, you can get the DVD, you probably can download it, but I would recommend it for your wife. Maybe the two of you can watch it together because don't underestimate what this journey did to her.

She loves you and we're all pumped for you, but we want to be pumped for both of you. The worst thing about alcohol and or drugs is how it isolates one. It does. In your addiction. Think about how it isolated her.

Right. It's an, it's an isolation process. You want to, you want to get away and, uh, and not be seen. That's what really, that's what really kind of started to really eat at me when you kind of don't want to do it, but you go through the motions and I get that or and you pick back up anyway. Back up just a minute, Eric. I get all that, but I want you to start thinking of her now and how it isolated her part of your recovery program.

Are you still working a recovery program? Oh no. Why not?

Not day one. Why not? It didn't feel like I needed it. Well, I would, I would, I would challenge that, that it's, it's a, alcoholism is, is a, is a chronic condition and you can get delivered of it, but there, there are opportunities for you to participate in a recovery program of understanding the journey of how you got there. It's not just to stop drinking.

It's to start living and exploring why you see alcohol. Alcohol was your medication. Well, what were you medicating? Okay.

See, what were you medicating? You follow me? Hang on through the break. I want to, I want to go to the break. I want to continue this a little bit. 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. When we take a substance like alcohol, it is, it is a medication. We're medicating something.

What are we medicating? And that's the part, the process of going through a recovery program and working a program to make sure that you stay in that place where you understand the journey and also don't underestimate how this affects the people around you. You tracking with me? It's not just always about you. Your disease affects a lot of people. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger and in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated.

I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people.

On a regular basis we purchase and ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie and I am standing with hope.

If you want to get more information to see more from our blog, we put it out there. We just dump as much stuff out there for you as possible to help you on the journey not feel so alone as you do this. Friends don't let friends care give alone. Caregivers struggle with what I call the three I's.

We lose our identity, we lose our independence and we become isolated. And in that those dark thoughts can overtake us. That's why we do the show. That's why American Family Radio is committed to getting into your headspace with this show to offer you some clarity of thought to get to a place of safety where you can make healthier decisions for yourself. And if you want to be on the show 888-589-8840 or go to hopeforthecaregiver.com to sign up for the free podcast. I put it out there for free and get a copy of the book, Hope for the Caregiver.

It's on audio book, it's Kindle, it's printed and I've got the new book, Seven Caregiver Landmines. And while you're at it, you'll see a thing come up about my wife's mission work that she started after she gave up both of her legs. It's called standing with hope.

And you'll hear about that a little bit more on in the show. Standing with hope. We do process that. We have two ministries. We have prosthetic limbs for her fellow amputees over in West Africa. And then we also have the family caregiver outreach here. It's for the wounded and those who care for them. And we would welcome your help in giving the gift that keeps on walking. It is an amazing ministry.

Click on the link and you'll see it. It is extraordinary. Standing with hope. Let me go back quickly to Eric and I want to finish this up here. Eric, thanks for hanging on through the break. The point of what I'm trying to tell you is about alcoholism. It's a chronic disease and you're going to fight it and you've done well. Thank you. I'm glad you're not drinking.

We're all just cheering for you on this, but do not underestimate how this affected the people around you, particularly your wife. You follow me? Did we lose Eric?

Well, we lost Eric. And, but that's, this is one of the things that I'm trying to drive home to people is that it's not just about the individual who is dealing with whatever impairment. There is more going on. And if you are struggling with alcoholism or if you struggle with alcoholism, I, I am imploring you to consider your people around you, to consider those around you that this is affected as it has.

And my focus on this show is for the caregiver. Okay. I'm going to rejoice with you. If you're sober, I'm going to rejoice. I'm going to cheer you on.

Great. But I'm going to ask about the people in your orbit that have been traumatized by your disease, by your impairment. And are they getting help for themselves? And there are 12 step recovery programs for family members of alcoholics, for children of alcoholics.

There are so many of those things out there, but you've got to take advantage of those things. You've got to make the phone call yourself. And if this is where you are, please understand it is not selfish. It is not inappropriate.

It is healthy for you to make that phone call, for you to go to a meeting, for you to seek out counseling, raise your hand and say, I need help. This affected you. And I'm one of the few people in the country that are talking about alcoholism in this capacity when it comes to dealing with caregivers. All right. Let's see. Ralph in Kansas. Ralph in Kansas. Good morning, Ralph. How are you feeling?

I'm doing pretty good. Fantastic. As a matter of fact, and I heard you talking to some guy on a walk about alcohol. I thought, well, that boy sounds familiar. Then I heard you say caregivers. And I thought, well, I called in here about, uh, back in December. As a matter of fact, I heard you one morning on the radio called in, we got cut off or something before, uh, we got ever hooked up to talk. Well, I'm sorry for that. Well, what's on your mind today? Well, I've got a friend of mine.

He's a caregiver for his mother. She passed away, but that guy, you obviously kind of comment on what you said about alcohol. I'm an alcoholic and you can't just quit drinking and quit going to the recovery program. You got to continue recovery programs forever and ever and ever. And I'll agree with you on that. Well, I'm glad I got the, uh, well, I'm glad I got your endorsement on that because that's the stance I'm going to take it. Nobody's going to move me off of that. Um, I've got a sin problem and I'm going to need to do a recovery program for my sin problem for the rest of my life.

I know I'm saved and that's called sanctification. And, uh, I got to check you into a meeting every day. It's a, uh, thank you, Ralph. I appreciate you sharing a little bit at least communicate with God on a personal basis and then check your mouth and listen.

I think you've said it beautifully, Ralph. Well, listen, I appreciate you. Appreciate you calling this morning and thanks for sharing that with you.

You behave yourself over in Kansas. All right. Well, we got lots of nasty weather up here, but we didn't get as much as we were supposed to get yesterday, but Hey, God bless you. You take care and thank you for you. Your program is vitally needed. Well, thank you Ralph and thank you for being a listener and thanks for taking the time to call in. I know that I'm a veteran. Okay.

Yes sir. And they have caregiver programs at the VA and I know, and I tried to get my sister to go to come there cause she's a veteran, but she would never come there. But we we've had two parents just passed away and the sister passed away within the last year, three years. My daddy passed away August, August of 2017. My sister, my younger sister passed away, uh, last October. No, the end of September last year, my mother who was 97 on the 13th of January this year, she just passed away last Wednesday morning at six 47. But I, uh, she's in heaven.

She's dancing with him, dancing with Jesus. And I tell you what, you've got to take care of yourself or you can't take care of nobody else. Well, I think you just said it beautifully right there, Ralph. So I'm going to go talk to some other folks that are lining up to call and you have yourself a fabulous day. All right.

You do the saying, you'd be safe and keep on trucking and God bless you. And I appreciate you and I thank you AFR for letting him do this. Well, thank you.

And I think AFR as well. All right, let's go to Donna in Mississippi. Donna, good morning. How are you feeling? I'm doing great, sir.

How are you? Well, for a man of my age and limited abilities, I think I'm doing all right. Um, I'm calling in concern of my neighbor who is a caregiver 24 seven who really has no help from family, anyone, anyone, no one helps her. And, uh, her mother has Alzheimer's and, um, she struggles every day.

I'm 65. I was a nurse, but I'm unable to help her and it's breaking my heart. I don't know what to do. Um, well, let me ask you a couple of questions. Um, how old is she? The caregiver? Yes, ma'am.

58. All right. Uh, do you, can you do your own grocery shopping? She does. Can you do your own grocery shopping? Um, yes, sir, but I live on social security. So, but you go to the grocery store? Yes, sir.

All right. Can you ask her if there's anything you can pick up for her and she could, she could pay you for it, but that way it saves her from having to go out and do it. Is that something that would be helpful to her? Yes, sir.

And I do do that. I call her when I go to town and I do ask her if there's anything that she needs. She's got a husband.

Yes, sir. But he works all the time and she won't allow him and no, he does. I heard you say wash clothes, um, clean the house. Um, and he doesn't do any of those things. And he doesn't do any of those things, sir. He doesn't do any of those things, sir. All right. Well, let me, let me, let me tell you two things.

Number one of them. Number one is she has a savior and you're not that savior. And when she, she's got a husband who doesn't want to lift a finger to help her.

Now you can't hold somebody down and help him. I know she's going to have to get to a point where she's going to have to raise her hand and say, you know, I'm tired of this. And when she strokes out, if she does it, she's going to have health issues of her own.

They say taking care of somebody with Alzheimer's ages, she takes about five to 10 years off your life. And if she doesn't do that, then her husband's going to have to step up and deal with the reality of doing all this without her. She is one.

You know what? They'll put her mother in the nurse now, man, that may, it may come to that and I'm sorry for that Donna, but she and her husband, well, and is it any, is there any thing out there that can help her have someone come in? She doesn't need someone to come in. She's already got someone in that doesn't help her. What she needs to do is start asserting herself.

No, well, there's actually something you can do. Donna, you could tell her about this show. Tell her about this show and get her a copy of my book. I did.

I've been listening to you now for two months and you're so awesome. Well, I did tell her about this show and she said she couldn't pick up a L bar. Well, there's a free podcast for it, but get her. Donna, get her, get her a copy of my book.

Yes, sir. Where can I get that? Anywhere books are sold. Amazon, wherever.

Anywhere books are sold. Hope for the caregiver. Hope for the caregiver. For the caregiver. No, it's called hope for the caregiver. Hope for the caregiver.

Hope for the caregiver. And I got a new book out. I got a new book.

It's called seven caregiver landmines and how you can avoid them. These are easy books and Donna, these books are so easy. You could read them in the bathroom.

I know that's where I wrote them. No, I'm just kidding. But listen, Hey Donna, let me ask you something. Are you still smoking? Yes, sir. How'd you know that?

I think we all know that Donna. How about you look at your nurse? How about you look at it and maybe stop smoking?

Can you maybe start on that path for you? That's good. Cause we'd like to keep you around for a little bit longer. Okay. Donna, I got to go to a break. I got to go to a break.

You keep listening to your doctor. This is hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back.

Hey, this is Peter Rosenberger. Have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization standing with hope when my wife, Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager. And she tried to save them for years and it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished them and thought, wow, this is it. I mean, I don't have any legs anymore.

What can God do with that? And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees. And that's what we've been doing now since 2005 was standing with hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana, and you can be a part of that through supplies, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there.

You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at standingwithhope.com. Would you take a moment to go out to standingwithhope.com and see how you can give.

They go walking and leaping and praising God. You can be a part of that at standingwithhope.com. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. This is hope for the caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger bringing you three decades plus of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not 888-589-8840 if you want to be on the show. That was my wife Gracie singing with her dear friend, Johnny Erikson Tada. The two of them, between the two of them, they've got well over 85 years of disability. Gracie has had multiple amputations, 80 surgeries plus that I can count.

Johnny, quadriplegia for 50 something years. Now she's battling her second round of cancer. It's just extraordinary to listen to those two women speak. You can hear that whole song. If you want to go out to our website, hopeforthecaregiver.com, just click on the music tab. You can hear it and that and all the other things.

I produced that arrangement of the two of them and just love listening to it. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. While you're there, look around, look at the blog, look at the free podcast, sign up for it.

I mean, there's so many things out there, the books, so forth, all that stuff's out there for you. So hopeforthecaregiver.com. All right, let's go to Amos in Ohio. Amos, good morning. How are you feeling? Good morning.

I'm not doing, I'm not doing that good. All right, what's going on? I lost my wife October 21st to 7 26 in the evening and we had two different places. I was either her place or she was at my place, but when she got bad, she stayed with me for the last five years and I gave her breathing treatments every day and she'd fill out the fluid. She had emphysema and a heart failure and she made her son a part of it. Amos, let me back up here.

I don't need to hear your wife's chart. How are you feeling today? Who me?

Yeah, the show is called Hope for the Caregiver, not Hope for the Departed. I need you to tell me how you're doing today. I was her caregiver.

I am the caregiver. How are you doing today, Amos? I'm isolated myself. Only one I got is my sister. When's the last time you went to church? I started going to church ever since she died.

Okay. When's the last time you went to your doctor? A couple of weeks ago. What did he or she say? What did the doctor say to you? Amos, can you hear me okay? Yeah, what's happening? I'm jumping up at night to check Sandy's oxygen and she ain't fair.

I can't get it through my head. It's going to take some time, Amos. You got conditioned to taking care of somebody like that.

It's going to take some time for that to detox. Have you looked at, have you asked your doctor or your pastor for a referral to a counselor, a grief counselor or somebody like that? They got a grief counseling once every two months.

Once every two months, huh? Everybody's so busy to get out of there. He gets stuck in the doorway. I ain't even made no friends yet.

I go with my nephew. Well, why don't you find one that meets? Hey Amos, Amos, I need you to, I need, I need you to hold still for just a second. Why don't you talk to your pastor or your doctor?

Find a grief counselor you can go to once every week. You got a CD or anything I can listen to? Yes. I've got him.

I've got every morning and read the Bible. You can download my audio book, but right now I think the best thing for you to do is for, to talk to your pastor or your doctor and get a grief counselor that you can talk to at least once a week for a while and then maybe go to once every two weeks. Okay.

Try that. All right. Because right now, Amos, I think, well, that's, that's a good start, but right now I think you need a professional help to walk you through some of this stuff. It's going to take a while to detox you from being a caregiver for that and to work through all this grief.

And so that's, that's a good course of action. Talk to your pastor or your physician and get a referral to a counselor. Okay. What a problem I'm having. I'm abusing my medication to stay calmed down. Well, then you need to talk to your doctor even more.

Okay. You're not in a good shape right now, Amos. And so I want you to make an appointment with your doctor and tell them everything you just told me.

I put balloons on her, great for Valentine's. I have no doubt, but what I need you to do is to go to your doctor, Amos. Are you tracking with me? You're not in a healthy place.

I want you to call your doctor first thing Monday morning, make an appointment and tell your physician everything you told me and ask for a referral to a grief counselor and tell that doctor that you're abusing your medicine. You promise? You promise? Yeah, I promise. All right. Thanks for calling. Call us back and let us know how it went. Okay.

I will. Thank you, Amos. This is Tom in Michigan. Tom, how are you feeling? Oh, I'm great, Peter. How are you? Well, you know, I did a mental inventory. Most of me is here. What's going on with you? We got just a few moments here.

Just a real quick question. I miss the name of the movie that was on DVD that you told the caller about. It's called I Still Believe. And that's the title song of one of Russ's big hits. It's about Russ and Tori Taff.

I would highly recommend watching this movie. I Still Believe. Okay. Okay. And that is for someone with alcoholism? Well, Russ struggled with that for a long time, but it's his journey with his wife through it. And it's the two of them. Alcoholism doesn't just affect one person.

Okay. That's the nature of that disease. Addiction is not a single victim affliction. It could take out a whole family. It could take out a whole generation of family members. I have a friend and I can see how it does affect their family. So I will certainly share that with them. And refer that friend, refer that friend to a 12 step recovery program for family members and friends of alcoholics.

There's lots of different kinds out there. All right, Tom, thank you for caring. Thank you for, thank you for seeing the need. I appreciate it, buddy.

I appreciate you listening. All right. Okay. Thanks for all you do. Bye bye.

All right. Daryl in Texas. Daryl, good morning. How are you feeling?

Good morning sir. How are you feeling? Doing good. Doing good. What's on your heart and mind? Thanks for holding so long. From my heart and my mind, I thank you for all you deliver to the people and all the care and concern that you have shown and have let them know that families must be involved in caregiving, to be involved with caregiving.

And we all must trust in God with the hope that we can care for one another all the time that we're here. And I call to thank you for your program. And I do care and will.

I've been listening to it for about the last three or four months. But y'all will hear from me on helping you continue your program. Daryl, it means so much that you took the time to do that, that you listen to this show and thank you for that. And listen, you've heard all these callers today.

Would you do something for me? Cause I believe that you're a man of prayer. Would you just continue to pray for some of these callers that have been calling in that you can remember as the Lord brings it to your mind? Oh, Daryl, thank you.

Thank you, Daryl. Don't cease not to set to pray. Don't cease to pray. Continue to pray. You don't have to know nobody.

No, you don't. Thank you. Thank you, Daryl. That means a lot to me to know that. I thank you for your program.

It's not a word. I like your little jokes and your little things. I like the words that you teach and the message that you tell us how to be aware of what's around us and place things to do and where to go. And that's to Jesus. That's why I love when you ask about the church. Have you been to church this week? That's the same way people come to your side and come up to you. You're on your way to church and they're asking you for something. Your heart is to help. And then when you come back from church, you're asking me, say, man, when you gonna come to church?

Oh man, I don't know. No, I'm going to put it to you like this. I'm not going to stop loving you.

But what I don't like about you, I'm going to tell you. And the thing about it is I'm going to continue to be for you. For he said, until one another be. So you have a good day. Thank you for what you've done. Thank you for that call. And let me go talk. Let me talk to Mary in Pennsylvania, Daryl. Thank you so much, Mary. Good. We got just a few minutes. I wanted to squeeze you in here. How are you feeling?

I'm feeling pretty good, but I am stressed out. I have a 95-year-old mother who goes around to the children, and so I take care of her part-time. And I have a family that I'm homeschooling.

And I have a husband who is just not willing to help, help along. I mean, he does. Yes, he does. He does help along. But I feel like he could do a lot more, and I'm just kind of at my wits end how to deal with it. All right.

We only got just a few minutes, so I'm going to jump real quick. When's the last time you had a conversation with him about it? I don't trust opening a conversation because I'm not fluent like he is, and he always has a lot of words.

Well, you sound pretty fluent to me. Well, to someone that I feel comfortable with. Well, I think maybe we need to start helping you feel comfortable.

There's an old song by the Georgia Satellites called No Hugging, No Kissing Till I Get a Wedding Ring. And maybe that's a conversation you and your husband need to have is that, look, we can't have a healthy conversation of our relationship until I feel safe enough to tell you what's going on, and I don't feel safe enough around you. So maybe it's time for you guys to sit down with a professional like a pastor or a counselor and say, look, let's iron some of these issues out because I don't think they're going to get, they're not going to get better on their own. You follow me? This is not going to get better on its own, Mary.

You're going to continue to develop more and more resentment and frustration. So do you have a pretty decent relationship with your pastor? I do. All right. Maybe it's time you respect your pastor?

I do, and I've talked to him, but he doesn't really trust getting into it with my husband. Well, then we need to find a, we need to find a stronger pastor and it's time to, it's time to have a conversation with the professional now. Okay. Thank you. Mary, I hate that I got to cut you off here at the break. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Talk to your pastor, get a referral to a counselor. This is Peter Rosenberger of Hope for the caregiver. We'll be back next week. Hopeforthecaregiver.com.