Drawing Circles for All the Right Reasons

What about that co-worker in the lunchroom who repeatedly tells you every time lunch rolls around how great their life is since they dumped their spouse? Listen, find somebody else to eat lunch with. What about the friend that tells you, you know, every time you're around, what you really ought to do, you know, is forget the restrictions and you're so weighed down with the responsibilities of marriage and family that it's just tying you down.

It's just holding you back. You are the most important thing to you and it's really all about you. Listen, find another friend.

Move that one to the periphery. You probably have some relationships that are great and you're encouraged every time you're with that person. You may also have some relationships that weigh you down because the advice you receive is always bad or some other reason. Relationships are hard and take hard work to maintain. We have many kinds of relationships in our lives. Some of them are very close and dear to us and some are simply acquaintances. For the Christian, the key to all successful relationships is first and foremost, our relationship to Christ. This is Wisdom for the Heart with Stephen Davey. Today, Stephen has a lesson on relationships from Psalm 1. It's called, Drawing Circles for All the Right Reasons.

Here's Stephen. One survey I read recently said that roughly 70% of Americans believe the main purpose of marriage is mutual fulfillment. In other words, I married her because she was supposed to meet my needs and she was fun to be around. I married him because I thought that he would just be there and meet the needs that I had and take care of things, which makes the main purpose of marriage all about I, me, and mine.

Right? And if that other person isn't fulfilling what I need, then it's time to move on. To the vast majority of Americans, and I'm not really concerned about those outside the church. I'm really more concerned with us, beloved, in here and the church in general. I fear that for the vast majority of American Christians, marriage has little to do with the concept of servanthood. It has little to do with the idea of dying to self, as seen in the relationship of Christ to his church. It has little to do with the desire to bring glory to Christ and to advance his gospel. It has little to do with raising a godly heritage. It has little to do with mentoring younger believers along the way. It has little to do with living out the gospel and demonstrating the character of Jesus Christ in his humility and sacrifice. To the average individual, I fear, in the church, marriage is really about getting that person to get me what I need when I need it. And much marriage material out there is simply giving people more ammunition to make them even more self-centered and more self-focused than ever. Now, in Psalm chapter 1, it might seem an odd chapter to deal with relationships, and yet I think it squarely deals with it.

I want us to kind of get out our miner's gear and put on that helmet with the strong light. Let's go deep, okay? Let's just read verses 1 to 3, just as an overview. We're not going to get to verse 3, by the way. We're not going to get to verse 2, by the way. We're going to cover verse 1. Notice, how blessed is the man, referring to the believer, who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers. Let's just read verse 2. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in his law he meditates day and night. Verse 3, he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water. Now we're talking about roots, which yields its fruit in its season.

Its leaf does not wither, it's an evergreen. And in whatever he does, he prospers. Prospering, of course, in the context of Scripture is fulfilling the purposes of God for your life.

Now, what the psalmist does first in verse 1 is tell us what not to do if we want to protect our lives, our relationships, certainly our marriages. Notice, how blessed is the man. The word for blessed here means joyous or happy, but it goes beneath the surface definition of happiness that depends on happenings. The root meaning of the word blessed actually refers to somebody who's moving forward. How progressing is the person, that's the idea. How moving forward is the man or woman in the way God would want them.

It could even relate to someone who is leading the way. The word that's painted here with this Hebrew text is the idea of a person who is pressing on, who is advancing in life's goals with a godly purpose about life. By the way, this is the same concept of the Apostle Paul who wrote that he was pressing on toward the goal, that prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus, Philippians 3, 14. So the blessed person in Psalm 1 is the person who is advancing toward godliness. You want good relationships, advance toward godliness.

You want to ruin your relationships, digress from godliness. Would you notice the progression of this person's movement here? I want you to circle three key words.

You might have already done it. They're in verse 1, walk, stand, and sit. This is critical to understand what the Psalmist is talking about. These three words are related to three negatives in a godly person's life.

In other words, here are three things he won't do to progress in life. Notice again how blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked. The word walk here suggests that a person is listening to the counsel of the ungodly. It's the idea of a casual relationship. You're just sort of casually walking along. You might even be minding your own business. And the picture here is that someone who is wicked or ungodly sort of merges with your path, merges into your lane.

Your paths now merge. That person is walking with you and evidently from the text ready to give you counsel. You know anybody like that? They're just ready to give you advice. They may not know God. They may care less about—couldn't care less about the word of God, but give them a minute and you're going to get an earful. That's that idea here. And so in this first negative, the believer is someone who doesn't listen to the advice of the ungodly. In fact, they're not even going to casually walk on the path of it.

They're going to find a way to sort of find something to distract you because you do not need that earful. You could paraphrase this to read this way. Blessed is the man who doesn't walk down the path listening to ungodly advice.

Difficult to do. The psalmist takes us to the next negative. In fact, you could think of these three negatives as three steps downward. The first dangerous step downward is to walk next to ungodly counsel.

Step two comes next notice. Nor stand in the way of sinners. The word stand is another key word. It's the idea of literally taking your stand with an unbeliever.

It refers to taking a stand defending what they're doing, maybe tolerating it, justifying it ever so slightly, but you are taking a stand with someone who is wicked. So the first step is where you're just listening to an unbeliever, now you're agreeing with them. You never have to worry about agreeing with them if you don't listen to them. But you listen to them. And they're influencing your mind and now you're beginning to think, you know what, they may have a point. It appeals to the flesh. So the very best time to say no to the first invitation to ungodly counsel is the first time it comes along.

Your marriage, in fact your life, depends on you deciding what you will not do, where you will not walk, to whom you will not listen, with whom you will not agree. Here in Psalm 1 the godly individual says no to even casual counsel. You know they can talk but you're humming or whatever. Then you refuse to stop and stand by those who are sinners unless you're going to use it as an opportunity to influence them with the gospel. By the way, the words translated here wicked and sinner, these are references simply to unbelievers.

The way they're described here doesn't imply that they're cursing God, they are denying God, you know they're going to try to turn off your testimony. They're just so evil. They're presented here as people who actually just live on a horizontal plane. They have no relationship with God. Everything's horizontal. To them all that matters is life.

All that matters is making the most out of life, getting ahead in life, getting the best stuff out of life. That's all they want to talk about. So in other words these people aren't necessarily cursing God, they just ignore God. You might work around people like this.

You might live in the dorm with people like this. You might go to church with people. He never really factors in.

Decisions are made without him. Life is lived without any connection to him except for maybe an hour or two on a Sunday. So listen to the warning in Psalm 1. Their presence in your life is like an undertow.

They can be dangerous, in fact they are, to your relationships, your marriage, your thinking. Now someone is sure to say right around here, because they've had them say it to me often, well you know didn't Jesus make friends with sinners? Wasn't he condemned for eating and drinking with tax collectors? Prostitutes?

Sinners? Yes he did. And that's Matthew 11 19 if you need the reference. We're told he did. But don't miss his purpose. He wasn't eating with tax collectors because he was lonely. He wasn't eating with prostitutes because he wanted to make some new friends. He wasn't hanging around unbelievers because he didn't want to miss the party for the weekend. He didn't want to be alone. He wasn't mingling with them so that they could influence him, but so that he could influence them. They were not peer pressure on him, he was peer pressure on them. Not because he needed them, he knew they needed him. And he had come to seek and to save the lost.

Luke 19 verse 10. So let me draw a side for just a moment and give you a practical thing to consider. Okay, here's how the circles work. The furthest circle out, they're passive acquaintances. There's no real personal connection, there's no obligation.

The next circle in is casual friendships. These are the people in a similar circle of experience that are oftentimes locked into your world because your world is locked into theirs. You're praying for them, you want to influence them, and then you have close companions.

These are the ones you've given the right to persuade you, to change your mind, to make you think a certain way. How careful we have to be with those whom we choose to have that kind of access into our heart and our mind. In marriage, that's one of the most significant reasons we ought to walk with God because we're going to be closest to that individual.

We're going to influence them more than anybody else and they us. And again, the greatest issue is that we follow hard after Jesus Christ and his word because we're influencing someone's life. For the believer, this may surprise you but I'm going to say this, for the believer, no one who is without Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior should ever be given access into your inner circle. This is what Paul warned the believers in Corinth when he reminded them and said, what close companionship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6.14. For those of you that are willing to move the wicked and the sinner to the periphery of life, which is where they belong. He said, he who walks with wise men will be wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm. Now the psalmist here in Psalm 1 is effectively saying, don't slow down as you walk on. Don't get sidetracked. Don't invite the counsel of the ungodly into the inner circle of your life. Don't stop on their path and allow them to gain your ear because here's the obvious, what you listen to you just might buy into. And what you buy into you just might act upon and the voices of the wicked are everywhere.

And I fear we manage too much of it. ABC News carried the story of a law firm that created a billboard a couple of years ago in the Chicago area targeting the young, wealthy Gold Coast clientele. The billboard read in large letters, I saw a picture of it, a copy of it, quote, life's short dash get a divorce, end quote. And on either side of the words were rather sensual photographs of a scantily clad man and a woman. And they just kind of left it up to your imagination.

Within a week the city took down the billboard citing technical problems. The truth is a lot of people complained about it. And the legal firm defended the billboard by actually saying, and I quote them, we find the advertisement refreshingly honest and insightful. People are unhappy and there are plenty of options out there to get on with your life, end quote. Now again, if the primary purpose of a relationship, certainly a marriage and even life itself, is self fulfillment, then that ad makes perfect sense.

Because if marriage is ruining your party, get past it and move on. A writer, by the way, to the editor of the news program that ran the story on this racy billboard said this, and I appreciated their candor and boldness. Quote, for those who think that this billboard was clever, they really ought to consider taking down the pictures of that scantily clad couple.

And instead, put a picture of an eight year old girl and a five year old boy in the background, clutching daddy or mommy as they leave the house for somebody else, end quote. And I thought now that would be refreshingly honest and insightful. The psalmist spells out the dangerous progression here in this psalm.

You listen to them, you stand with them, and eventually you join them. That's the third step down in this digression. Notice the last part of verse one. Well, let's begin at the beginning.

We've covered so much territory. How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, now notice, nor sit in the seat of scoffers. Now that Hebrew word is a strong word. That theme is the word, it refers to those who openly, unashamedly mock God. At the beginning, it's just ungodly counsel.

Now it's open. It's hateful. They despise God. They despise God's word.

And this is the third negative for the godly person, by the way. Don't sit down in the seat of the scoffer. Does that mean they slide over and give you a seat and you sit with them?

Not really. The psalmist uses the word seat here like we use the word chair. The chair of the scornful. It's a reference to a place of authority or prestige or teaching.

We think of that often in our academic environment. In fact, in Matthew chapter 23 verse 2, we're told that the scribes sat in Moses' seat. In other words, they were teachers of the law of Moses. This particular seat or chair in Psalm 1 is occupied by a teacher who is a scoffer, a hater of God. He hates God.

And our land is filled with them. They use their chair to undermine the authority of God and to mock the things of God and the word of God. So what he is saying here is avoid the chair. Don't allow a teacher to come into your life who mocks God.

Now, you may have to put up with a certain portion of it in Philosophy 101 at NC State and UNC or whatever. He's saying don't voluntarily sit at the feet, as it were, at the chair of someone who mocks God. But I want you to notice he actually goes further than that. He is actually telling us that the godly man doesn't sit in that chair himself. Can you imagine this digression? He's now seated.

He's walking by, he stops and stands and defends, and then he sits down in the chair. What began with a casual walk has become a way of life. And you think, how in the world could that happen? The path of blessedness, spiritual progress is abandoned and self rules every relationship, every activity, every pursuit. People, especially spouses, only matter for whatever they can give and however they can serve. This is death to the joy of marriage. This is the loss of blessedness.

And you can hardly imagine that someone would go this far down. One book that's made headlines, I illustrated with this some time ago and I looked it back up. It's now in its third printing.

It's just selling like crazy. It's entitled Affair. The subtitle, how to manage every aspect of your extramarital relationship with passion, discretion, and dignity.

On the back cover it reads, this best selling book. These words, and I quote, in the face of near universal disapproval, between one quarter and one half of all married Americans will at some point engage in an extramarital affair. They will have either an enriching experience or the destructive mess for which affairs are far better known. In this book, many of the major pitfalls are avoidable, and an extramarital relationship can bring a person greater happiness and personal growth if properly managed.

That's somebody sitting in a chair teaching, and they are telling the truth. Nearly 50% of Americans will engage in something inappropriate outside the bounds of marriage. Maybe right now you are flirting with it very step. Well, maybe not that.

Well, are you giving the Council of the World a hearing? Okay, so you don't have that book on your nightstand, which is a good idea. What about that co-worker in the lunchroom who repeatedly tells you every time lunch rolls around how great their life is since they dump their spouse. Listen, find somebody else to eat lunch with, okay?

Even if you gotta go out in the parking lot and sit in your car, okay? What about the friend that tells you every time you're around him, what you really ought to do is forget the restrictions and you're so weighed down with the responsibilities of marriage and family that it's just tying you down. It's just holding you back. You are the most important thing to you, and it's really all about you.

Listen, find another friend. Move that one to the periphery, okay? The outer circle. Now, what about movies and television? Have we given the scoffers of God's word a hearing? Books you're reading. What about the music you're listening to? Oh, Stephen, I would never buy that book called Affair, but I'm merging my path with ungodly counsel. I'm okay.

I can manage it. The average Christian today would say, Stephen, you know you're starting to sound like a legalist. You need to lighten up. The psalmist would say, you need to look out, not lighten up. Don't stop to listen. Change the channel. Steer clear. Stop watching that stuff.

What have you given your ear? Don't let the roots of your life go down into the counsel of the ungodly. Eventually, as the psalmist implies, it's going to affect the leaves and the fruit on the tree of your life. It will impact your mind, your relationships, your worship today.

It'll impact your life. So here's what the godly person does not do. He doesn't slow down, he doesn't stand around, and he doesn't sit down with the wicked, the sinner, and the scoffer.

He moves them to the outer circle of his life, only to be seen when he ventures out there to attempt to win them with the gospel of Jesus Christ. This has been a very practical lesson today, and I hope it's encouraged you. This is Wisdom for the Heart, and Stephen Davey is working through a series from the book of Psalms entitled, The Song.

The lesson you just heard is called, Drawing Circles for All the Right Reasons. In addition to being our daily Bible teacher, Stephen Davey is also the pastor of Colonial Baptist Church in Cary, North Carolina. You can learn more about Stephen's ministry from our website, which is wisdomonline.org, and I encourage you to visit there often. The complete archive of Stephen's 30 plus years of Bible teaching is posted there, and you can listen to every lesson that Stephen's taught, free of charge. Those lessons are also available as printed manuscripts if you prefer to read them.

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