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September 8, 2020 1:02 am
We’ve all been victims of wrongdoing. While some people manage to face the abuse and find healing, others find it hard to let go of the hurt. June Hunt tells us that even when people and circumstances chip away at our self-worth … we are not powerless.
I now I pulling out my people have complimented me on all of my life I started. I remember being away from home for the first time. There a lot of activities I felt safe and effective weirdo walking around doing something that nobody on that screen are never heard as the when I had gotten divorced and shipped back to this country with absolutely no money in my pocket. It was Nancy and cool yes within maybe three months.
I discarded 80% of my hair to the point where I would have to go on job interviews with the league as we each sold opposing questions that we just can't answer. Sometimes those questions are so large that the answer can have life-changing consequences that's the case with the caller will hear today your own hope for the heart.
But before we get to the conversation.
Julia tells us a personal story about oppression and abuse in her childhood home.
She also shares how that impacted her as an adult before she found God's hope and healing.
A number of years ago a friend called me on the phone and said Jean I like to read a list of characteristics to you and I just want you to think about these characteristics and live yourself. I don't want to tell you the name of the book that I just want to know the even see yourself in any way. In these characteristics. I listened and I listened like me you very few like me, then my friend said this is a book on adult children of alcoholics, and she said I know your father was nonalcoholic that I thought you might identify with so many of these characteristics can we not talk that this is very unusual. He said I think what I think it is.
I think that you have the characteristics of someone who has been oppressed and home as though your father had been an alcoholic. He wasn't an alcoholic but the impact was the same. Let me mention some of these specific characteristics calling this a test for broken boundaries defined difficult to make decisions and stick with them. When opposed to emergency was all well if somebody opposes I give in because truthfully I had to going up and you live years this way and all of a sudden you mean I'm supposed to hold to it. If I really think it's best to think my philosophy is to be at peace with whatever I can be content whatever the circumstance that that was my first thought.
I've learned in whatever state to be content.
Test for broken boundaries number two you feel you must seek opinions of others before acting on a decision number three you feel hesitant to give your opinion when asked do you fear expressing what you really feel it's interesting. I have a sister is five years younger than me and she is a very competent person and I remember a few years ago I really don't respect that you won't stand up for what you really want. She was making an issue of this well. I had to learn this match strength with strength. If you know somebody is very strong, little wallflower. They actually appreciate someone who will have strong opinions that will be expressed.
The reverse is true. If you know somebody is very fragile. Be careful about coming on too strong.
I learned that even here in our ministry and it was very helpful because there was someone who was very bright, very capable, that had been victimized horrifically. She was the only one I couldn't seem to have a a warm relationship with here on our staff and you see her interacting with others.
One of people here in this room said to me doing wrong and the answer was June you're trying too hard, you realize the degree of abuse that she experienced.
Don't try so hard that just be very laid-back with her because she's used to and abuse of power by her father. There times from several be wise I need to be able to interact in a way that the person can hear me where we can communicate. So please see this list. It's not the issue will sometimes I don't have it. Strong opinion fine too, but strongly you need to speak with confidence.
Amazing like this makes a big difference if you're just cowering feel like you have no voice but God is the one who gives you a voice. He's the one who gave your mind to use. Do you fear expressing what you really feel number four do you lack confidence in your own convictions do you avoid certain people because you fear, embarrassment defined difficult to maintain eye contact with another person defined difficult to ask others for help this hard when you feel you've got to do it all might help because everything's on your shoulders.
This is one of the hardest things for me right out of college and became a youth director and I had 120 L just in the junior high division. How could I possibly ask any of the leaders do anything right out of college to do anything. My point is, the people don't mind thank you to help me with this healthy people don't mind when the need is there for help if you have this mindset of I've got to be perceived as doing it all perfectly and all my responsibility really healthy is wonderful that the truth it's free. We just really thank God for that because he intends us to have meaningful relationships do you do favors for others, even when you know you shouldn't want to. Well I can think of things I did sing at a friends house. She was insightful and she spoke truth to me about me many times are never to do something she's allowing me to stay here and am attending this conference and in her home just not doing and she said Jean need to do anything you can just be here as a guest feeling I didn't deserve to be there was about me.
I love to help but suspect it was more about what I needed to do to feel valuable. I need to do something. Victims often feel so powerless that the trying to do things to help and they don't even know why you have no clue as to a motive like this next question test for broken boundaries do you avoid asking people to return overdue items they borrowed.
You have difficulty receiving sincere compliments another sister.
Remember it was just before Christmas and she said you did that so well and I said oh well, I really didn't, but when I started this June. Just say thank you you know you did it well. Well I June. Then she said, thou doth protest too much, thou doth protest too much identify with having difficulty accepting comments would you raise your hand.
Okay, how about the next time you complemented make a decision now to just say thank you and you can say that's very thoughtful of you to say, in truth, so helps when we realize who gave us the ability to do anything. Who gave you a mouth to be able to speak who gave you the ability to hear and give you a mind to be able to work to be able to do anything. All we have to do is say thank you and in your heart you can say now I take that complement like a precious bouquet and I laid Jesus feet.
It's not an issue of pridefulness. It really isn't? Do you need a great deal of assurance from others. The tricky thing for me is I might do something and so many wonderful righteous people who appreciate this appreciate this is one person has anything negative to say. That's the one thing I remember the most. Sometimes we are weighing so heavily what someone says and it's not what God wants us to be focusing on do you do more of your share of work on a project.
Do you have difficulty pointing out situations that are unfair. Do you ever say yes when you want to say no.
Think of this Proverbs 29, 25. This is a powerful Scripture fear of man. Fear of a human being will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe fear of any human being. If we are living in fear. Were talking about not doing what we would want to do. Just assuming oh okay, I'll give and I thought always cater to this person.
Did you see Jesus always trying to cater to people just to keep them happy now so helpful if we can say okay this is healthy. Jesus was healthy. Yes, he was opposed. Yes, there were things that in his human state that he was a victim. For example, did his family turn against his own flesh and blood brothers. Yes, he was powerless over that time in the word victim. Now he was not a victim when he went to the cross. He said you do not take my life from the year of my life as a ransom for many. This is a choice. He came to earth to die. But in truth, there are times when certain things occurred and so it would not be his first choice, but he did not force people to be what they should be. I believe that if there are characteristics we have that we sent out would Jesus want me to do this. Be very aware that it times what we're doing is making an assumption. It's like having the Amar her when instead you not been called to be a marker for that person.
If the enlarger be a martyr for Jesus but not sacrifice your conviction or be a people pleaser. The concept here is being a people pleaser assuming that you have to please everyone or at least diatribe you're listening to Junot. This is hopeful heart were talking about boundaries, specifically boundaries that may not exist as a result of being an abusive situation more about recovering from abuse can be email@example.com coming up June shares a conversation she had with a young woman who was pulling her hair out. This color recounts a specific incident of abuse. If you're sensitive to this type of conversation or you have young ones around you might want to send them to another room for just a few minutes, but let's go back to our broadcast and loose with that recorded phone conversation from the beginning of the program for part of my life for approximately now I pulling out my people have complimented me on all of my life and what age did you begin about nine or 10 I started. I remember being away from home for the first time. There a lot of activities I felt safe weirdo walking around doing something that nobody that you ever heard of you familiar with to tell mania's okay and I thought what a strict pulling not just here for discount. It can be just that sometimes it is just the eyebrows. Sometimes eyelashes anywhere there's here, arms, legs, now why is they may be having obsessive thoughts that might distract them from our stated this woman had done a lot of research but she still didn't understand herself. In other words, she did think she was the only one on earth. They were just something she is clueless about, but I believe there's a reason why we do not need set well. Was it genetic. Well, there was anyone in her family units. When these things were is always helps to look at the whole picture look at everything and see if anything makes sense.
You'll hear her start approximately what percent of your hair was pulled out okay but while 25 it was that, but when I had gotten before and get back to this country with absolutely no money in my pocket.
That cool yes within maybe three months I started my hair to the point where I would have to go on with what we told you that time.
Patterns can be broken even when there is obsessive compulsive disorder.
The Scripture says do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this one would be transformed and tells by the renewing of your mind. Usually, our minds, just as Scripture that has spiritual implications. How many times are there problems that people have because they don't know how to take control of their minds and speak the truth about a situation now go from here she is saying I have done some reading on this that she doesn't understand herself.
So where is the conversation go. If you are on the phone with her family life, family life, there's a phrase that some people use all behavior is purposeful okay will.
Where does this come from the situation yeah and you know that is good to do that called triggers she'd Artie told you one of her triggers was stress. Stress is following a divorce moving her no money, you'd certainly see a progression that would seem to be obvious to her. I want to help.
Finally know about the relationship with your father.
By that the about every Bureau known to man the court that affect had perpetrated a lot of violent, mother incredible old unlawful I was to particularly tragic thing where I live put into a closet while witnessing you with that cute leather black local belt and he slammed the closet door said that your mother's life. I don't recall what happened next to you when this took place three or four or you not fearful for your mother and fluently. Okay behaviors come out of our belief system is the point that I realized that I could use my father. Therefore saving my mother, because I knew that I was the apple of his eye. When I was a must have been thinking lately going to help my mother and my father from being angry. I'm not there with happened all know, and I think they do release my I was tugging on my hair and I pull them out and there was some type of faith that distracted me from my thought and I guess it became a pattern that may from painful is the road I was going down. There are those who will literally cut themselves with a razor cut himself or herself with the razor cutters.
I distraction you so which is more powerful, emotional pain, physical pain, emotional new owners would you say that you talk to anyone who has studied anything about this. The point of the cutter is how things are so painful the memories if I could just cut then it deflects it takes the focus away from that emotional pain temporarily last what other kinds of self injury self-harm. What other kinds of things are done as a teenager used to bite my forearm and the teeth marks. I'm not even sure why.
Why I knew I painful home does be better not talk, you know, this is what so this might be here today and that's helpful for canvas this room. You don't just blow. I love this topic is the feel-good topic. It's because so many of us have had painful circumstances there other things that are used. There are burners claw wounds release stops the thoughts in my head to the floor for what I've done and cleanup shame.
Today we can do is pray that every single person who does any type of self-harm is all person private walking away. I now know what to do. Even here that she put together some pieces and that's very important to think about this when I was a child. I've what it thought like a child, reason, like a child would be told to do now as an adult you put childish ways behind.
There times when it's like I'm powerless at all I can do that have new choices. But now this help me to say that was then this is now you say it with me. That was then this is now say again that was then this is now. So when you start responding as you did before feeling powerless and yet God is allowed you to live as an adult. This far you go all Whitman.
I have choices that I did not have previously. Is anybody who doesn't have more freedom of choice today as an adult okay as 100%. Sometimes we have to have the courage to say okay now.
If I'm to do that I need to put my mind in gear and sometimes save myself if I need to say it every day. Then I'll strike this out and to say thank you God that was then, and I was powerless and this is now, and today is different. I can make healthy choices.
That was then this is now.
Thank you Jun for bringing this truth to us that we are not powerless. This is listener supported hope for the heart and you will be back in a minute with an important message. But first, as we listen. Would you talk to this woman, we heard that she was already out of her violent situation.
However, there are those who are currently in an abusive relationship.
If that's you, and you need immediate professional help. Consider calling a crisis hotline. You may also find help at a hospital with the position of qualified mental health care provider or through law enforcement.
Other resources that can help you discover more about living in victory are in our keys for living series that address crisis and trauma including abuse recovery, which Jim talked about today. There also hope Philbin helpful resources on domestic violence, verbal and emotional abuse and bullying. Again, it's all found out hope for the heart.org talking about recovering from abuse is an easy knowing that you can start walking in freedom by moving forward.
Hope that's exactly what we all want know I mentioned earlier, the June is recorded a special message for us here she is, hi this is June again, thank you for being with me for hope for the heart over the past 34 years soon will be launching a brand-new podcast, the number of people who listen to podcasts is rapidly growing. So what a great time to share hope with even more people helping them find God's truth for today's problems. Now you'll be able to hear us anytime, anywhere. To do this, we are transitioning away from this daytime program. So Friday, October 2 is our final broadcast. As we look forward to the podcast you can get daily messages of hope on my Facebook page and our nighttime program and I invite you to visit my new website Jun Hunt.org that's Jun Hunt.org remember there are no hopeless situations. Only those who have grown hopeless. Thank you Jun for sharing this with us 34 years is a long time for radio broadcasts that were so grateful to her was the audience for your support for your prayers and for sharing hope in your communities know just to clarify. June is not going away, she will still host relayed by radio program hope a good night. You can find this on many of your local stations or of hope for the heart.org. She also mentioned a new podcast that's going to launch in the future. Plus her brand-new website that's coming online in October and it's easy to remember. June the Hunt.this is in addition to the existing hope for the hard website.
You could also find daily messages of hope and help on June's Facebook again were so grateful to her listeners and we invite you to follow us as we share God's hope with the hurting world for Jun Hunt that there is hold back your tomorrow right here on hope for the heart