Respecting Your Man

The criteria of submission is agreement with God. Dr. Tony Evans says even though a man should earn his wife's respect, godly obedience is the reason she should give it. There are a lot of people in life you do not like who you must respect, and your husband is to be chief among them.

You are respecting him because of his position. This is The Alternative with Dr. Tony Evans, author, speaker, senior pastor of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, Texas, and president of the Urban Alternative. A man's self-confidence can be amazingly powerful and surprisingly fragile. Today, Dr. Evans reveals how a caring wife can use that understanding to help her husband move down the road to success.

Let's join him. When God wanted to make sure that his rules were operating in history, in time, he set up a chain of command. That chain of command is listed for us, and I'll read it to you in 1 Corinthians chapter 11, where it says, verse 3, I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man.

The man is the head of a woman. God is the head of Christ. Now, that's in the text. That's what the Bible says. Bible says that there is in history a chain of command, and that chain of command is also in eternity. For example, God is the head of Christ. Now, Christ is equal to God in essence, but Christ is not equal to God in function. And a fundamental difference that you and I must understand is that there is a difference between function and essence. Essence, everybody's equal.

Function, everybody's not equal. There must be different functions if a job is to be carried out. Now, you see this in your employment. In your employment, there's an owner, and then there's a CEO, the person who manages it, and then there's middle-level management, and then there's the more generic personnel. Now, if everybody's CEO, the work doesn't get done. But if there is no CEO, then the work doesn't get directed. If there is no owner, there is no business for anybody to be employed in. Each one of those levels is an essential part of fulfilling a job. And unless there is a chain of command, then everything is up for grabs.

We've already established that the husband is the CEO. If he fails that job, then he has done great damage to the cause of Christ. Many women make it exceedingly difficult for men to assume with ease their God-given responsibility. A man's greatest need is for reverence.

So let's look at 1 Peter 3 before I get in more trouble, and so that you know that God is speaking here. In the same way you wise, and of course, if you're not married, you need to develop a mindset for marriage with this in mind. Be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they're not living like they ought to be living, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives. The issue of respect has nothing to do ultimately with the success or failure of your husband in his job.

This you must understand. You are respecting him because of his position. There are a lot of people that you don't like who you must respect.

This is not an option. The Bible says even if he is not living up to his full responsibility, you are obligated unless he causes you to do something against Christ to recognize his position and not disrespect him. And the greatest way that women disrespect their men is with their tongue. It is what you say and how you say what you say to the man in your life that is the illustration of your respect. And when you talk to somebody in society who you do not like but must respect, you control yourself. Go try cussing out the local judge and see where it gets you.

When the policeman you do not like stops you and you feel like he's been unfair, use profanity against him and get out of the ticket that way. You will find that that does not work for that is not to be tolerated. Or take your children, mothers. Suppose you give your children instructions that they don't like and they stand up and say, well, I don't care what you're saying to me.

I'm not going to do it. Do we have a problem on our hands? We most certainly do because even if you were wrong in what you told your children, they must respect your position as mother. Am I right? The Bible teaches that you are always to recognize your husband's position, even if you disagree with your husband's point.

See that? Even if they're, it doesn't mean disagreeing with that point. You got to make that distinction. You may not agree with the point, but he says the way you win them is without a word.

Now let's talk about this phrase without a word. How long have you been nagging your husband about certain things that are in your marriage? Since the day you got married, right? Years. You've been nagging him.

And he's still doing the same things, okay? It ought to occur to you by now you need a new strategy. It ought to occur to you. Now, why is the man not responding to your nagging? Because what you've done is deflated his God-given ego. I mean, I hear a lot of women saying, I'm tired of having to feed his ego. Any women tired of having to do that?

Well, you better go get some sleep and get back up, because that is a divine requirement. In the same way that he should not get tired of loving you, you should not get tired of respecting him, because just like you need TLC, he needs that reinforcement and acclamation of respect. He goes on to say that the way you win them is without a word by the behavior. To put it another way, what you do will go further than what you say, okay?

So if you are nagging him and still not doing anything, you've just given double trouble. As they, verse 2, observe your chaste and respectful behavior. See that? The concept of your gentle and respectful behavior. But, he says, they are to observe, that is, see, respect. It is to be visibly demonstrated that I hold you in the highest esteem based on your position. That I recognize you are God's appointed, hierarchical leader in this home. Now if you are the boss on your job, leave it on your job. If you are the supervisor on your job, supervise on your job. Don't bring that mess home, okay? Don't bring that home, because you're gonna have a problem. I'm gonna tell you you're gonna have a problem, because most men, unless they're very, very passive, do not want supervisors for wives, okay?

They want supervisors for wives. Three, and let not your adornments, boy, God's really cramping out your style here, isn't he? Be merely external, braiding the hair, wearing golden jewelry, and putting on of dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. Don't let your adorning merely be external. Now you ladies be looking good, okay? And I know the reason you look good is because you make a major investment in the looking good, right? You make a major investment of time to look good. That major investment is in the area of shopping.

Middle name is shop, all right? You've heard me talk about the way the attention you ladies give the mirrors. The world for you is one big mirror, you know? There's a mirror in the house. There's a mirror in the car.

Now they put them on the driver's side in case you're driving, and on the passenger side. Then you get to where you're going. First thing you gotta do, powder your nose, look in the mirror again, and you don't even need a mirror. Ten that shines, it's good enough, as long as it reflects.

Why? Because God knows a lady is very conscious about her public presence and beauty, and God does not condemn that. That is acceptable with God. And ladies, you ought to make yourself as appealing as possible.

In other words, if you're single, it shouldn't be because you didn't take care of yourself, and you didn't look good, and you weren't appealing. Nothing wrong with that. But God has a big problem. If there's so much emphasis on the external getting fixed up for your public, and not getting fixed up inside for your Lord, God has a big problem with that. God has a problem with you going through hours and hours of clothes at whatever store you shop at, but not willing to go through hours and hours of strategy of being God's woman at home. He has a problem with that.

He has a problem with that. Dr. Evans will share some specific insight into why men who are supposed to be leaders won't lead when he returns shortly to continue today's message. First though, don't miss one of your last chances to get a great bundle of resources we recommend to dig deeper into today's study. It starts with the two-volume, 14-part audio series we've been listening to called Marriage Matters. Available on both CD and downloadable MP3s, this collection of messages covers how a marriage built according to God's blueprint can be one of the biggest blessings in your life.

Along with the full-length audio messages, we're also including three of Tony's popular booklets. And for married men only, he talks man-to-man with husbands about what it really means to provide spiritual leadership in your home, to sacrifice for your wife, and to meet her needs. For married women only, focuses on submitting to your husband's spiritual leadership, cultivating a gentle spirit, and experiencing God's protection and peace when your husband falls short.

And in Marriage Matters, he examines the scriptural foundation that causes a marriage to blossom and flourish. You can get this complete Marriage Matters package as our gift, and thanks for your contribution to help support the ministry of Dr. Evans and the Urban Alternative. Just visit us before time runs out at tonyevans.org to request this resource bundle, or call us at 1-800-800-3222, where team members are standing by to assist.

That's 1-800-800-3222. Well, Tony, welcome back with more of today's lesson right after this. Whether you're facing a decision or a dilemma, it's smart to ask, what would Jesus do? But first you have to know what Jesus did and what God has to say about the situations you face. Well, if building your biblical foundation is your goal, the help you need is as close as your computer or mobile device, thanks to the Tony Evans Training Center. It's packed with online courses covering core concepts of the faith and in-depth scripture studies you can work through anytime you want, at any pace you want. Along the way, you'll explore key teachings and learn how to apply them in real world situations. There's lots of exclusive content from Tony to keep you interested and motivated, and an online forum where you can ask questions, get answers, and collaborate with other students. It's almost like having a seminary on your smartphone.

Visit tonyevans.org today and connect with the Tony Evans Training Center, where you can explore the kingdom anytime, anywhere. He says, let it be the hidden man of the heart. What he's talking about is so construct your inside that you follow God's plan in your role, in your home, exalting your husband to the position of leader that God has placed him in. Now, some men are passive, not by choice, but by circumstances. They were raised without a father. They were raised with a dominant, dictating mother. That's all they know.

So you get on them before being so passive. But that's all they know. And if you think this generation is bad, wait till our children get married when we've got 70% of our kids who haven't grown out without a father. We've got a whole generation of women who either, if they're looking for Mr. Right, won't marry, or will have to apply this on their honeymoon to get this thing started early. Because we have a lot of young men who are being beaten by circumstances that they have absolutely no control over, which means if he's ever going to become the man that he was created to be, you are going to have to become the kind of woman who elevates him to the level that God recognizes him at.

That's what it means. It does wonders for a man to hear from his wife, I'm so glad I can tell my girlfriends, you are my man. It does wonders for a man to hear from his wife, it is awesome being married to you. It does wonders for a man to hear from his wife, honey please leave me, I'm dying to follow you.

All right now. I can tell most of you ain't been using any of this. It does wonders for a man when you ask him first before you go ahead and buy it and say, I need to ask you first to make sure it's in keeping with the direction you are taking our home in. Now let me tell you why that works. That works because that sounds so good to him, he gonna want you to come back with that one again, so you probably will get a yes. It is by your behavior, by the way you respect him in word and deed, not by your nagging him, when you gonna go out and become a man, boy? I mean, you listen to the way some of the wives talk to the other one, you are sorry, brother. You know, well I sure wish I was married to a man. You know, those kind of statements, you see, that is disrespecting God's hierarchical frame of reference. There's no way around it. Bible says this is not new, verse 5, for in this way in former times the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands.

Now please get the key here. The women weren't trying to change their husband, they were hoping in God. See, if you disrespect your husband, you're working against God, and if you're working against God, no matter how much you pray, you won't get God's help to change your husband. If you hope in God, that means you must obey God.

You cannot hope in God by doing what your girlfriends say do. Since the older women were like this, they adorn themselves, they weren't only good-looking externally, they were good-looking internally. Their husband said, whoo, she's good-looking by her character.

And then he illustrates it. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. It says Abraham was called by Sarah Lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. Now see, for some of you to turn to call your husband's Lord scares you.

Scares you. Call him Lord? I ain't calling no man Lord. Well, let's look at where Abraham, Sarah, called Abraham Lord, Genesis chapter 18.

Let's look at verse 9. Then they said to him, where is Sarah your wife? And he said, behold, in the tent.

And he said, I will surely return to you at this time next year. And behold, Sarah your wife shall have a son. And Sarah was listening at the tent door which was behind him. Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in age. Sarah was past childbearing. And Sarah laughed to herself, saying, after I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my Lord, being old also? And the Lord said, Abraham, why did Sarah laugh, saying, shall I indeed bear a child when I am so old? Is anything too difficult for the Lord?

There's a whole lot there. God said, Abraham, your wife, old as she is, is gonna have a baby. Sarah listens to that and says, what?

That's impossible. I can't have a baby at 90 years of age. And then she says, shall I have pleasure again with my Lord? In other words, she was saying, not only can I not have a baby, I can't even get around to doing what it takes to have a baby. So in the context of her calling Abraham my Lord, my master, it is in the context of an impossible situation.

Am I right? Some of you ladies are married to impossible men. Some of you ladies are married to men that you don't see any way they can turn around. Some of you ladies are married to men you don't see any hope for.

Some of you are married to impossible situations. But Sarah called Abraham Lord and believed God would respond, even though it sounded impossible at first, submitted to him. And as a result, the Bible says, out a year later comes Isaac through an impossible situation. I'm saying that same God can take what you consider that mess of a man and turn him around. But you got to say, my Lord, you've got to take your role and play your part and make sure that you've done everything you can do humanly possible to honor the Lord before the Lord does everything He can to make a miracle in your family. Don't ask God why He hasn't changed your man if you haven't changed your role.

Don't ask God why He hasn't reversed your man if you haven't respected His leadership. Some of you ladies need to go home, and today say, honey, I apologize. I have let my disagreements with you turn into disrespect for you. And for the disrespect for you, I have been wrong, and I want to begin today recognizing your leadership in this home, my Lord. That's what it means.

That's what it means. So what am I saying? I am saying that while we do have a male leadership concern in our culture, one of the major contributors to it being as bad as it is is the failure of women to honor their husbands. Dr. Tony Evans, talking about how women can inspire their husbands to do the job God gave them. Well, we're almost done with Tony's current series on marriage, and there's been a lot of material we haven't had time to present on the air. So if you'd like to get Dr. Evans' complete look at this important subject, get in touch with us right away for details on the special Marriage Matters package, including the two-volume, 14-message audio collection on CD or downloadable MP3s, as well as the popular three-booklet bundle, Marriage Matters for Married Men Only and for Married Women Only. We'll send you this complete package as our thank-you gift when you make a contribution to help us keep Tony's teaching on this station. Don't miss out. The special offer is only available through tomorrow, so make your contribution today at tonyevans.org, or let one of our team members help you when you call 1-800-800-3222.

That resource request line is always open, so there's no need to wait. Again, that's 1-800-800-3222. It's not enough for a man to love his wife. He has to love her with the right kind of love. Dr. Evans will reveal how you can do that and the positive changes that take place when you do. I hope you'll join us for the final message in this marriage series tomorrow, and until then, be looking for opportunities to show kindness to those you meet for the benefit of our culture, your community, and the glory of God. The alternative with Dr. Tony Evans is brought to you by The Urban Alternative and is made possible by the generous contributions of listeners like you.