Your Child: Wise or Otherwise

Known for his unique ability to simplify profound truth so that it can be applied to everyday life, Adrian Rogers was one of the most effective preachers, respected Bible teachers, and Christian leaders of our time. Thanks for joining us for this message.

Here's Adrian Rogers. I heard of a woman who was being interviewed, and she had three very obstreperous teenagers. And somebody asked her this question, if you had to do all over again, would you have children again? She said, of course I would, but not the same ones. I think some of us can identify with that, and hopefully she was joking, but it's difficult to raise children.

And C.K. Chesterson said that we spend the first half of our lives fighting with our parents, the second half of our lives fighting with our children. And that's sad, and it doesn't have to be that way. God has a plan for us, and God tells us how to have a wise son, our wise daughter. My heart is broken for what is happening in America's families.

We're at a crisis point, ladies and gentlemen. Ours is a needy generation, and God has given us a book as to how to raise a wise son, a wise daughter. Now I want you to look in Proverbs chapter 1 and verse 22. It's a key verse.

I want you to look at it. How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? By the word simple one, I want you to write naive teenager. Now if you can't spell naive, write open-minded teenager. And the scorners delight in their scorning. Beside the word scorner, I want you to write the word smart aleck. And fools hate knowledge. By the word fool, I want you to write the word rebel.

And there you have the problem in America's homes today. The naive, open-minded, gullible teenager, the smart aleck, and the rebel. This verse deals with these. And God's word tells us how we're going to be able to keep our children from becoming fools. Because, dear friend, in the Bible there's almost no hope for a fool. And some of you may have a fool for a son and a daughter right now. And if you do, my heart goes out to you. You have probably lost them for time and eternity.

And will never get them back. There's very little hope in the Bible for a fool. Now when we talk about the word fool, or when we talk about the word scorner, or when we talk about the word simpleton, that does not have anything to do with their mental ability. They may knock the top off the charts, so far as an IQ test is concerned, and be simple, or be a scorner, or be a fool. The word fool here does not mention somebody's mental ability. It mentions their moral state. Their moral state is what the Bible calls a fool, a person who is devoid of spiritual understanding, and has been so hardened that probably he never will get it.

All right, now listen. I want to help you to raise a wise son and not a fool. A fool is not born a fool. A fool is a self-made fool.

But he has a lot of help from his parents. So I want you to see now how God, in His Word, is going to give you some wisdom as to how to raise a wise son, or a wise daughter that will give you great, great joy. Step number one, begin early. Begin early.

I want you to look again in verse 22 and you will see a progression. First of all, the simple, then the scorner, and then the fool. Don't wait until your son is a fool or even a scorner before you begin.

Begin very early. The Bible says train up a child in the way that he should go. Now, I want you to notice the marks of what I call the naive, the gullible, the open-minded teenager that the Bible calls the simple. First of all, notice in verse 22 that he loves simplicity. He likes his lifestyle. These are the happy-go-lucky years, and he loves it. He does not want any restrictions put on him of any kind, whatever.

He likes a free and an open style. And who could blame him if he's not taught differently? One teenager was saying to another teenager, he said, You know, I'm worried. He said, My dad works night and day. He slaves away so he can make enough money to give me everything I want and see to it that I have a college education.

And my mother, she irons my clothes, she cooks our food, she cleans up after me, and she takes care of me when I'm sick. His friend said, Well, what are you worried about? He said, I'm afraid they're going to try to escape. You just see this teenager, he's got it made, and his parents are waiting on him, hand and foot, and he loves it. He loves it. Now, not only does he love his simplicity, but he lacks understanding. Look in Proverbs chapter 9 now and verse 4.

It's speaking here of the simple, and it says, Whoso is simple, let him turn in hither, as for him that wanteth or lacketh understanding. He doesn't have understanding. I didn't say he didn't have intelligence. He doesn't have understanding. He may grow up to be a surgeon. He may grow up to be an engineer.

He may grow up to be a doctor, a lawyer, a banker, an entrepreneur. He's got a lot of gray matter, but he lacks understanding. He does not have understanding, and he doesn't have wisdom.

Now watch it. He loves simplicity. He lacks understanding, and therefore he is led easily. Look, if you will, in chapter 14 and verse 15. And all of these verses now deal with the simple.

Look in verse 15. The simple believes every word. You tell him something and he'll believe it. He has this plastic mentality of a teenager, and you can just take and mold and massage his mind any way you want. And therefore Madison Avenue, boy, do they love the teenagers, because the teenagers, they are sitting ducks for all of the engineers of advertising, because they just believe anything, and they'll be told they can do this or have this or go here. They don't see the repercussions.

They don't see the problems. The very word simple, the Hebrew word means open. He's just open. You can just write almost anything you want upon his mind. He is just easily led.

And therefore peer pressure, oh, does peer pressure have an important power in the simpleton's life, the gullible teenager? A man went into a doctor's office, and when he went into the doctor's office, it was filled with people waiting to see the doctor. They were all sitting around reading magazines or whatever they do in doctor's offices, but all of them were sitting there in their underwear.

True story. All of them in their underwear. This man fully dressed came in. He looked around, surveyed the situation, looked twice, and then dutifully took off his clothes, hung them on a rack, and sat down. A man got on an elevator. When he got on the elevator, it was filled with people, but rather than facing the door, they were all facing the back of the elevator, every one of them. There was no door in the back of the elevator, but everybody was standing there facing the back of the elevator.

He got on, looked around, turned around and faced the back of the elevator and waited for it to go up and come down. You say, where did that happen? Candid camera. Alan Funt.

You've seen the programs. And here was this grown man comes into this room. Everybody else has their clothes off, so he takes his off.

Everybody else is facing the back of the elevator, so he faces the back of the elevator. Isn't that a strange quirk about human nature? How we are forced to conform to what everybody else does.

If grown people will do that, how much more will your teenager do it? He has a pressure to conform. Now watch it. He loves simplicity. He likes understanding. He is led easily and he is living in danger. Oh, what a dangerous time this is. Look in chapter 22 and verse 3. Proverbs 22 and verse 3. A prudent man, that is a wise man, foreseeeth the evil. The word evil here means danger, problems. And hideth himself, that is, he takes cover.

But the simple pass on and are punished. Your teenager does not have the ability unless you teach it to him to see the danger that's down the road. That's the reason if you give him the keys to your car without warning him and instructing him and praying for him and guiding him, he'll get out with a bunch of his friends, go by someplace, get somebody to go in and buy some beer, get beared up and go barreling through town at 80 miles an hour and have a tremendous accident that may take his life. He thinks he's invincible. He doesn't understand the danger that's out there. A prudent man foreseeeth the evil, he hides himself. But not the simpleton. He just doesn't understand. He's never really seen the problems that are out there.

And he's having a big time. He loves his simplicity. Reminds you of any teenager you know. That was you when you were a teenager.

That's all of us when we were teenagers. That's the way they began. And that's what we call the simple. It doesn't mean he's a simpleton. It doesn't mean that he doesn't have any brains.

He just doesn't know how to put them in gear. Now, we move from being a simpleton, a gullible, easily led teenager, to step number two. He then becomes, if he's not dealt with, a smart aleck. The Bible calls him a scorner, a scorner. In school, they'd call him a smart aleck. In business, he's called a cynic. In the university, he's called a mocker or a scoffer.

But he's the same guy with different names. Now, let me tell you about this man. According to Proverbs chapter 1 and verse 22, again, he delights in his scorning. He gets his jollies...

He gets his jollies out of sitting in a service and while the preacher is preaching, giving the kid next to him the elbow and making a smart remark. He likes that. He thinks that's cool. You see, he delights in his scorning.

It gives him a feeling of superiority. He knows more than everybody else, you see. But not only does he delight in his scorning, he defies instruction. You can't tell him anything. He already knows it all.

Look, if you will, in Proverbs 13, verse 1. A wise son heareth his father's instruction, but a scorner heareth not rebuke. You can't tell a smart aleck anything. He already knows everything.

And you might as well be talking to a brick wall. He'll tune you out. Now, if you were a wise son, he'd listen, but he won't listen. Not only does he delight in his scorning, not only does he defy instructions, but thirdly, he despises the good and the godly.

Chapter 15 and verse 12, look at it. A fool despiseth his father's instruction. It's bad enough that he delights in his scorning. It's bad enough that he defies instruction. But actually, he despises the one who will tell him. He just hates him. You correct a scorner, a smart aleck, and he may not open his mouth, but he'll look at you and with his eyes, he'll be saying, I hate your guts.

That's the way he is. Rebuke him, and he will insult you. Look in chapter 9 and verses 7 and 8. He that reproveth a scorner getteth to himself shame, and he that rebuketh a wicked man getteth himself a blot. Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee. Rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. Why, he despises the godly and the good.

Tell him what's right, he will insult you to your face. Not only does he despise the good and the godly, but therefore he is destined for destruction and damnation. Proverbs chapter 13 and verse 1. A wise son heareth his father's instruction, but a scorner heareth not rebuke. Well, what is the result of not hearing rebuke? Go on down to verse 13. Who so despiseth the word shall be destroyed?

That's it. I mean, he can laugh his way into hell, but he can't laugh his way out. He is destined for destruction, but you can't tell him anything. When you talk to him it's like pouring water on a rock. He's a scorner. He's a smart aleck. At one time he was gullible, naive, and open. But now he's not that way.

I pray God that your child is not a scorner, a smart aleck. He may be. And if he is, I'm going to tell you what to do.

And perchance, just perchance, you may be able to help him. If he's a fool, I offer you very little hope. Let me tell you the condition of the fool. That's the reason there's no hope for him. These other two, they love their scorning.

They delight in their simplicity. But now I want you to look in chapter 1 verse 22 about the fool. The Bible says the fool hates knowledge.

The other two are known by what they love even when they love the wrong thing. But the fool is known not by what he loves but by what he hates. He literally hates knowledge. And so the very first thing I want you to see about the fool is that he rejects wisdom. He just rejects it.

Another good verse that proves that is chapter 1 and verse 7. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. They just simply despise it.

They don't want it. And so not only does he reject wisdom, but to make matters worse, he ridicules righteousness. I mean, he makes a light of things that are holy. Look, if you will, in chapter 14 and verse 9. And many of you who have fools can identify with this chapter. Fools make a mock at sin. They make a mock at sin. They just ridicule righteousness.

I mean, anything that is holy, they put down. Anything that is unholy, they laugh at and they mock at sin. Not only does he reject wisdom and ridicule righteousness, but he literally rejoices in sin.

A wise son maketh a glad father, but a foolish man despiseth his mother. Folly is a joy to him. Not only does he ridicule righteousness, he rejoices in sin.

I mean, the worse it is, the more he likes it. The problem is his moral sense has been destroyed. His conscience has been perverted and destroyed. Isaiah chapter 5 and verse 20 speaks to this. Woe unto them that call evil good and good evil. That put darkness for light and light for darkness.

That put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. The fool is in a fixed position of actually rejoicing in iniquity and therefore he is reserved for hell. A reproof entereth more into a wise man than a hundred stripes on a fool. You take a fool and beat him, you won't change him. Lock him up in prison and he'll come out a worse criminal.

Take away his privileges, he'll just hate you more and more. You can lay a hundred stripes on his back and you will not change him. I mean, he is set and I could give you a lot more scriptures that teach that there is hardly any if there is any hope at all for a fool.

But I don't want to say there is no hope because I want you to continue to pray. God is merciful. But my dear friend, the difference between a fool and a godly man is the difference between David and Pharaoh. When King David sinned, Nathan rebuked him and he repented. But when Pharaoh sinned and Moses rebuked him, the Bible says he hardened his heart all the more. And as the plagues got worse, Pharaoh got further and further away from God.

That is, the more the stripes were laid on his back, the harder the fool called Pharaoh went down into sin deeper and deeper and deeper. All right, so number one. Number one, begin early. Commence early to train your child because, notice, he begins as a simple person, then he becomes a cynical person, a scorner, and then he becomes a callous person, a fool.

Okay, begin early. Number two, continue wisely. Now, God has given you the book of Proverbs, ladies and gentlemen. This book of Proverbs is a book that every parent and especially fathers ought to master. Make it your purpose to read some from the book of Proverbs weekly, if not daily. Make it your purpose to sit down and explain this book to your child while he is still a simple one and has not become a smart aleck and has not become a scorner. Now, let me give you some principles here.

Number one, start early. Proverbs chapter 1, Proverbs chapter 1, and let's look in the first four verses. The Proverbs of Solomon, the son of David, king of Israel, to know wisdom and instruction, that's what your son needs, to perceive the words of understanding, that's what he needs, to receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity.

Wouldn't you like your son to know that? Well, look, to give subtlety to the simple and to the young man knowledge and discretion. Now, notice it says to the young man.

To the young man, many have started about 180 pounds and 16 years too late. To the young man, continue, dear friend, wisely. Now, let me tell you about a simpleton. He learns by example. Look in Proverbs chapter 19 and verse 25.

Smite a scorner and the simple will beware. Now, that's a principle. When a naive teenager sees somebody get in trouble for his sin, something goes off in his head. He says, hey, there's the law of sin and retribution. There's the law of sowing and reaping that's in the universe. You see, he may not understand that. Look, if you will, in chapter 21 and verse 11. When the scorner is punished, the simple is made wise.

Now, that's a very, very important principle. You need to see if your child is a simpleton that he sees with his eyes how sin is punished. One of the worst things that could happen to a child, a teenager, is to grow up in what we call a permissive society.

That's the reason our children have such a poor chance today because they do not see sin punished. They see people living high, wide and handsome. They see people selling dope, arrested one day and out on the street the next day.

What does that say to them? They see somebody charged with a crime and that person goes on and on and on and on. He never gets called into court. If he goes into court, his case is postponed and then postponed again. And then if he's adjudicated guilty, then he's put on some kind of an appeal. And finally, the judge says, well, the jails are so filled.

We'll give him a minor sentence and he's back out on the streets again. Listen to this verse. Ecclesiastes chapter 8 and verse 11, because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil. The worst thing that could happen to any generation is for people to live where they don't see sin swiftly punished. The Bible says you smite the scorner, the simple will learn. I remember hearing a story about a lady who sent her son to school and sent a note with him and said, now Johnny is a nervous boy and if he misbehaves in school, you just slap the boy next to him and Johnny will straighten up.

Well, there's a smidgen of truth in that. Dear friend, listen. What I'm trying to say is this, that when somebody sees somebody else punished, he learns. Some time ago I was listening to television, the evening news, and there was a man, a Judge Gunther from Sacramento, California, and he talked about how he was dealing with teenage drunken drivers, DUIs, driving under the influence. And this judge had some unusual sentences. Among things he would do, he would take these teenagers down and make them spend a few hours in the drunk tank. Other things that he would do, he would make them visit the hospital, the ward where the terminally ill were there because of alcohol problems. He also made them spend some hours in the emergency rooms late Saturday night and to see people who'd come in after they'd been sliced up in accidents and so forth. Another thing he would do, he made them visit the coroner's office and look at the bodies of people whose lives had been snuffed out through drunken driving. I was so impressed with that that I wrote Judge Gunther, and he and I carried on some correspondence. And I said, I don't know whether you're a Christian or not or whether you understand the Bible or not, but what you are doing is biblical, absolutely biblical. I said, so many teenagers do not understand the consequences.

They see these great glowing ads, all of the fun, the campfire, the buddies, the playing volleyball on the beach and all of that, and the beer, and they're told beer belongs, and it does, but in the gutter and the sewer, they never see the other part. Judge Gunther had these teenagers to write some essays, and he sent some of them to me. One said, Mr. Bowers opened the door. I could see about 20 to 30 bodies covered under the white linen. Then he guided me to one particular body that was set in the center of the room. He uncovered the body. I saw this lifeless body that was once a living person less than 24 hours earlier.

Now this is a teenager writing. The face of the body was very disturbing. His eyes were blackened all the way around, his head shaven with staples replacing the stitches that closed incisions. This is a person that was killed as a result of beer, drinking, and driving.

And these teenagers had their eyes open. Do you know, listen, what you ought to do, Dad? You ought to put your son in the car and take him down to the emergency room some Saturday night and just sit there with him and let him see what comes in.

You ought to take your son and drive through the skid row and let him see that drunk, that man of distinction in the gutter covered with flies and vomit. Take him to the psychiatric center and let him see that drug addict with his sunken chest and hollowed eyes and scrambled eggs for brains. Let him see that. Take him down to the courtroom. Take him down to the jail.

They don't have any toilet lid on the toilet. They don't have a place to lie down. Let him see that. They don't understand. The Bible says, smite a scorner and the simple will learn. My dear friend, you began early with him and you let him see what this society has so well covered up with its situational comedies. He laughs at those kind of things and what a person laughs at he never again takes seriously unless you show him the other side, the serious side of sin.

Now let me tell you what else you ought to do if you've got a naive teenager. You guard his company as best you can. You guard his company. Look, if you will, in Proverbs chapter 13 and verse 20. This is one of the greatest responsibilities that you have as a parent. The Bible says, he that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. You see to it that your child walks with wise men.

Now he's open. Peer pressure can be bad or good. Peer pressure is not necessarily bad.

It just depends on who the peers are and what the pressure is. Use peer pressure to your advantage. Get the best friends for his friends. Make certain that he's in a Sunday school class. Make certain that he is in a Christian environment as best you can because a companion of fools will be destroyed. He's destined for divine destruction if he runs with fools. One of the great joys of our home is that we try to have into our home wise people and good people.

I don't mean just necessarily big shots, but I'm talking about good people, wise people. And when we have a meal in our house, we don't say to the kids and did not say to the kids, now Mr. and Mrs. so and so are coming on, so you kids stay out of the way. Oh, no. We say, kids, you sit at the table. And you stay here for the conversation. And you enter into the conversation and let them learn and let them imbibe and let them listen. Let me show you another scripture here now. Proverbs chapter 22 and verse 10. Look at it.

Cast out the scorner and contention shall go out. I'm talking about guarding the company of your teenager. You know what you ought to do? You ought to say that our home is headquarters for teenagers if you have one. Put food in the refrigerator. Stock it with the right kind of beverages. Have a playroom. Buy a television. Buy a table tennis table.

Monitor the television. Get some good movies or films and let them sit around on the furniture. You say, they'll ruin my furniture. Praise God, let them ruin it. You say, well, they step on my flowers.

Who cares? Let your home be the happiest, most fun place around. And let him bring his friends there. They're looking for a place to hang out. Let them hang out at your place.

And then watch. And if one of those kids is a scorner, tell him there's the sidewalk, get on it. Cast him out. That's right, cast him out. Should a scorner be expelled from school? Absolutely. Should a child who disrupts a Sunday school class continually and will not listen be put out of that class?

Beyond any doubt. Put him out. Don't let him ruin the class.

Don't let him disturb the school. Don't let him lead your child astray. The Bible says cast out the scorner.

You say that's hard. It doesn't say cast him off. It says cast him out. You pray for him.

You love him. But don't you let him corrupt your son and your daughter if you can help it. Your child has a plastic mentality and those scorners and those smart elics will ruin your children.

Now, we've talked about how to deal with a simple. How do you deal with a scorner? You say, Pastor, my child is a scorner. Well, I want you to remember this. That lecturing a scorner is not going to do you much good.

Preaching to him or getting him to listen to one of Dr. Rogers tapes isn't going to do very much good. Listen to Proverbs chapter 9 verses 7 and 8. He that reproveth a scorner getteth to himself shame, and he that rebuketh a wicked man getteth himself a blot. Reprove not a scorner lest he hate thee. Look in Proverbs chapter 15 and verse 12. A scorner loveth not the one that reproveth him. Neither will he go unto the wise. He doesn't say, here I am, teach me. Now, there comes a time when you need to understand that you're not going to drill something into his head.

This is not cowardice and it is not a compromise, but it is wisdom. What you need to do if your child has become a scorner is you need to back off and come another way. You need to repent before God of your failure, ask God to have mercy upon you, get your life so filled with the love of the Lord Jesus that he will see by your lifestyle and your love a quality of life that is real because he probably became a scorner and a cynic because of the way that you've been living.

Most of the time a delinquent is a child trying to act like his parents. Get your heart right with God and then begin to love him, not help him in his sin, but love him and wait for the right time. Chapter 15 verse 23, look at it.

A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth and a word spoken in due season how good it is. Now, the Bible says earlier in this chapter, don't rebuke him, but speak a word in due season and ask God to open his heart and then at that right time you hear, but do not shield him from the punishment. Chapter 19 and verse 25, smite a scorner and the simple will beware. You say, will it do any good to smite him? It may, but it will certainly help everybody else and the blow that strikes one will strike two and the simple will beware and if he doesn't learn from his punishment, others will.

The Bible says them that sin rebuked before all that others may also fear. Now, there may be a time indeed when you have to cast him out. You say, pastor, what about a fool? What should you do with a fool? Pray and ask God for mercy if you've raised a fool. If you've started so late that he's stepped over the deadline, maybe perchance God will open his heart.

I want to say one final thing very briefly. I said start early, continue wisely, and last of all, pray continually. Go back to our text now, Proverbs chapter 1 verse 22 and then look in verse 23. God says, turn you at my reproof. Behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you and I will make known my words unto you.

Here are three things that the simple needs to learn. Number one, repentance, turn you. Number two, revelation, I will pour out my spirit unto you. Number three, the reliability of the word, I will make known my words unto you. That's what your child needs, the repentance of the sinner, the revelation of the spirit, and the reliability of the Scripture.

That's what he needs. Now, you can't make it happen. In all of your teaching and all of your preaching, listen to me, you can't make it happen. There are some of you today who would say, pastor, my heart is breaking because I started too late. I started too late. Well, if you did, ask God to restore the ears the locusts have eaten. But others of you have hearts that are breaking because you say, pastor, I know I wasn't perfect, but I did the best I know how, and my child has gone wrong.

I mean, I started early. I had him in church. I taught the word of God. I lived right.

And my child has gone wrong. Friend, let me tell you something, God knows exactly how you feel because God had two children in a garden, and they did wrong. They left him. God taught them. God loved them. God gave them a good environment. God met their needs. God clearly explained to them what was right and wrong and what the consequences were and made certain they understood. And yet an evil influence came into that garden, and they, by their own choice, chose against their Father in heaven and went the wrong way. Now, are you going to blame that on God?

You might as well face it, folks. Children can choose to go the wrong way if they want to, no matter how good you are and no matter how much you do. And God hurts when you hurt over your children. And God loves your children as you love them, but God will not force the control center on your children and absolutely force your children to do right.

He won't do it, and you can't do it. You need to learn the difference between a desire and a goal. A goal is something you can control. You cannot control your children. You have a desire for your children, but you can have a goal for yourself.

You know what your goal is? Your desire for your children is that they be godly children. Your goal is that you be a godly parent. Your goal is that you be a godly parent and pray that God will help you to use all of the wisdom in this book not to raise a fool but have a wise son and a wise daughter.

Begin early, continue wisely, and pray faithfully for the children that God has given you. Father God, I thank you for your word today, and I pray, Lord God, that you just bring this word home to our hearts. And I pray, dear God, for parents that hurt. Help them to know, Lord, that you hurt with them and that when their heart is broken, your heart is broken. Lord, I just pray that you'll help us as pastor and parents and people to cooperate together for the sake of our children and send a mighty revival in America. Lord, turn the hearts of the children toward their fathers toward their children in Jesus' holy name. Amen.