Kerwin Baptist Church Daily Broadcast

Welcome to the Kerwin Baptist Church broadcast today. Our desire is for the Word of God to be spread throughout the world so that all may know Christ.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just asking you. 1 Peter chapter 2 and then Ephesians chapter 4. I'd like to continue with our second part to the subject we're speaking on today of the fact that God designed communication. If you'll do me this favor, I'm going to go ahead and pass these out. This is for our couples trip. It's a good day to do it because we're speaking about marriage. We passed it this morning. If you were not able to sign up this morning, we'd like to do December 27, 28, 29, $200 per couple.

A $50 deposit is due by the first Sunday in November. Sign up if you can go, please, if you can work this out. It's one of these things every time you have a trip like this to get people to go, it's like pulling teeth. Then when they go, they love it. When they get done like, hey, we're going to do this next year and the next year comes and it's like pulling teeth again. We get in the thing, it's like, no, I got to do this and I got to do that.

Make your marriage a priority if you can. Come on this trip. It'll be a wonderful time of fellowship and instruction. I think that you'll just enjoy it.

It'll be a good time in the Lord. You say, well, I don't know a lot of people. Perfect. This is the way to get to know them. Okay.

First Peter chapter two and Ephesians chapter four. I want to read you a couple of things first before we dig into the message tonight. I was telling somebody this morning my fear a little bit with today and it seemed to go well this morning. I had so many comments and people texting today and sometimes what you're scared is not going to go over.

It goes over better than other things, it seems sometimes. But I didn't want everybody to feel like, man, they're just showing up in a marriage session. This is church. But you know what this Bible is? This Bible is instructing us how to be a proper bride of Christ. Marriage is a picture of the relationship you and I as the church have with Christ. And this Bible teaches us how to be the right kind of bride and how to love our savior like we should. And you know the best thing about being saved is that you can communicate with God anytime you want. And so the greatest picture of our marriage relationship with each other as we communicate is a symbol of how we communicate with Christ. And so that's really the object of what we're doing next Sunday morning. We'll be speaking on the subject of God designed a difference.

And we're going to talk about the male and female roles and I hope that you'll be there next Sunday morning. Wanted to read this to you. And when you speak on marriage, you always come across things when you're researching. And I thought this was interesting. Barbara Walters did a story in Kuwait several years ago on gender roles. And I was reading this report from Newsweek and I thought this was interesting.

Let me just read it to you what Newsweek said. Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait before the Gulf War. She noted that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walk several yards behind their wives. Miss Walters approached one of the women and said, This is marvelous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles? The lady looked at her and said, Land mines. Wow.

Ladies, aren't you glad you're in America? I saw this that a man was nervously walking around the supermarket when he crashed into another man's buggy. Watch where you're growing. Going snarled the other man. I'm sorry, said the first one. I'm really worried I've been looking for my wife for 15 minutes.

Me, too, said the grumpy man. I'm looking for my wife, too. So he said, Why don't we look for them together?

Great idea. The man said, What does your wife look like? He said, She's blonde, blue eyed, has beautiful lips, wearing a wonderful flowing red dress, has beautiful eye line. And he said, What does your wife look like? And the guy said, Forget my wife.

Let's go and find yours. You say, What does that have to do with the message? Absolutely nothing.

It was just funny. Saw this five tips for women. It's important that you find a man that helps you in the house and has a job. Number two, it's important that a man makes you laugh. Number three, it's important to find a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to you. Number four, it's important that a man loves you and spoils you.

Number five, it's important that these four men don't know each other. That's horrible. I'll get serious now. How many of you have ever heard, obviously, Paul Harvey? And I know that he's I wanted to read something to you.

This isn't funny. This is something true that he wrote in April the 3rd, 1965. And I wanted to read this to you.

It's not real long, but it's a little bit lengthy. But I want you to understand what he said in 1965. And it's a it's a editorial that you can find online. And he entitled it If I Were the Devil.

And what he said was in this editorial as he began his broadcasting career was this. He says, I want to let you know if I were the devil, what I would do to America to ruin it. I want you to listen to this. Paul Harvey said, If I were the devil, I mean, if I were the prince of darkness, I would, of course, want to engulf the whole earth in darkness. I would have a third of its real estate and four fifths of its population.

But I would not be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree. So I should set about however necessary to take over the United States. I would begin with a campaign of whispers with the wisdom of a serpent. I would whisper to you as I whisper to Eve, do as you please to the young. I would whisper the Bible is a myth. I would convince them that man created God instead of God created creating man. I would confide that which is bad is good.

And what is good is square. In the years of the young married, if I were the devil, I would whisper that work is debasing, that cocktail parties are good for you. I would caution them not to be extreme in religion, in patriotism, or in moral conduct. And the old I would teach to pray.

I would teach them to say after me, Our Father, which art in Washington. He said, If I were the devil, I'd educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting. I'd threaten TV with dirtier movies and vice versa. And then if I were the devil, I'd get organized. I'd infiltrate unions and urge more loafing and less work because idle hands usually work for me. I'd peddle narcotics to whom I could.

I'd sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. And I would tranquilize the rest with pills. If I were the devil, I would encourage schools to refine young intellects, but neglect to discipline emotions.

Let them run wild. I would designate an atheist to front for me before the highest courts in the land. And I would get preachers to say she's right. With flattery and promises of power, I could get the courts to rule.

What I construe is against God and in favor of pornography. And thus I would evict God from the courthouse, and then from the schoolhouse, and then from the houses of Congress, and then in his own churches. I would substitute psychology for religion, and I would deify science because that way men would become smart enough to create super weapons but not wise enough to control them.

If I were Satan, I'd make the symbol of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle. If I were the devil, I would take from those who have, and I would give to those who wanted until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious. And then my police state would force everybody back to work. Then I could separate families, putting children in uniform, women in coal mines, and objectors in slave camps. In other words, if I were Satan, I would just keep doing what I'm doing.

That was in 1965. Folks, look at me. Satan's plan is to absolutely obliterate marriage. And we sit in church and we say, that's right, we believe, we agree, amen, and then we go home and we watch our marriage decay.

And that's what's happening all across America. Why don't you look at 1 Peter 2, beginning in verse 21. For even here unto were ye called, because Christ also suffered for us, notice this phrase, leaving us an example that ye should follow his steps. Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth, that's revenge, retribution, bitterness. Who when he was reviled, reviled not again, when he suffered he threatened not, but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously. Who his own self bear our sins in his own body on the tree, that we being dead to sins should live unto righteousness, by whose stripes ye were healed. Now, hold your place there, we're going to come back there in just a little bit for sake of reference, but I want you to hold your place, look at Ephesians chapter four, and just look at two verses here in verse 15 and 16. But speaking the truth in love, let me say that again, but speaking the truth in love may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. Now you gotta listen closer to this verse. For whom the whole body, fitly joined together, and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love. Now that is a mouthful, what does it say? If we've been saved, we're in the body, and we all should be working together.

Did you hear me? We should all be working together. And we are the ones that a preacher will get up and say, bless God, we ought to get along with each other in church, and we need unity in church, and we need to be together in church, and God blesses when folks are together, how great it is when brethren dwell together in unity, we say amen.

But you know what that is also true for? It didn't just say in the church, it means in the home too. Folks, a lot of times we're desperately trying to get unity in the church when there is no unity in the home.

And it's impossible. We come home, we come to church, and we want to get all three sections in the balcony on one page, and many times the two people sitting right next to each other on the pew are at odds with each other. God help us as we speak tonight. Father, we need your help. And Lord, I pray that this would be helpful to our people.

In your name we pray, amen. In order to understand all this, I want to give you something tonight. I found this years ago, and when I began, you know, and was taught about dating and different things, and I want to give this to you tonight. I don't think I've ever shared this in a message or with anybody, but there are five levels of communication. And it's the way life goes, not just in dating relationships but with other relationships too, and I want to give them to you tonight so that we can begin to understand this thing of communication. Number one, there are five basic levels.

Number one is called the frivolous level. What does that mean? That is the communication that goes on almost between strangers, between people that might not be strangers but really have no camaraderie other than the fact that they're just cordial to each other. If I was standing at the back and maybe we had somebody visiting Kerwin Baptist Church and they came by and I said, hey, how are you doing? I'm Brother Daniel. Hi, I'm so and so.

Well, it's good to meet you. That is a frivolous level. In other words, there's not a whole bunch of validity or meaning or heaviness to it. It's not like you're really giving each other your heart and soul. It's just kind of surface fellowship.

Second, there is the factual level. That's how you proceed in friendship. That's how a husband and wife proceeds in your dating relationship. It starts off with frivolous. You first meet, somehow your paths cross, and then it turns into the factual level.

What is that? That's when you begin to give each other facts. That's when you begin to get to know each other. Jeff Morton's down here. Let's say I just met Jeff and I was sitting here talking to him. I said, well, Jeff, what do you do for a living? And Jeff would say, well, I'm an electrician and I do things. What do you do?

Well, I pastor Kerwin Baptist Church. What have we done? We've gone from just that surface, hey, how are you, being cordial, to now that there is a little bit of an interest in the other person. So it goes from frivolous to factual. You begin to get to know facts about the other person.

The third level is called the fellowship level. That's after you've gotten the facts and you've begun to know a little person a little bit better. And then now, because of the facts that you were given, you realize I like this person or I have things in common with this person. And then that might be, okay, well, Jeff, you're an electrician, I'm a preacher, we don't really do a lot, the same thing, but are you a Christian? And Jeff would say, yes, I'm a born again believer. I would say, I'm a born again believer. I know I'm on my way to Heaven now.

I know we have something in common. And so that would turn to a fellowship. Well, Jeff, let's go out to eat sometime and let's spend some time or something like that. So you've gone from frivolous to factual and then to fellowship. Now, what is hard at church sometimes is there are so many people that are somewhat scared or they're timid or shy or whatever, but a person will join a church and everybody is a frivolous level, but what people often really desire from a church, they want fellowship. And dear friends, listen at me, look at me, I want you to get this. You're never gonna get to the fellowship level with anybody here at church until you put the time in to get to know them. Does everybody understand that? What we expect sometimes, we wanna sit in the pew and we want everybody to come fellowship with us.

It's their job. Listen to me, dear friend, the fellowship level only comes after the factual level. And you've gotta give each other facts.

It's a two-person game. You've gotta exercise effort to get to know somebody. And then they've gotta exercise effort to get to know you. And as you find maybe some things in common, then you go to the fellowship level. Then you begin to fellowship and enjoy each other's company. And may I challenge you, this has nothing to do with the message, but dear friend, you can't sit back and say, well, nobody loves me, nobody wants to do anything. Listen, it's a two-sided game. Jump in, you say, I've tried, I know you've tried, but keep trying.

All God's people said. The third, excuse me, the fourth level is the feeling level. This is when you begin to develop feelings. Now this doesn't mean like sexual in nature or something. It could be obviously between a man and a woman. Maybe here's a man that's met this girl and a man, they've begun to date. Now they're learning facts about each other and on a date and find out things.

And boy, I really like her and I like what I hear and I like these things. And then it turns into a fellowship level. You like to spend time together. Well, then that turns into feelings. And that's really the dating life. Man, it started frivolous and then it got factual and then we began to fellowship and man, we began to really start falling in love and then we began to develop feelings for each other.

And then the fifth level is the freedom level. And that comes normally after marriage because now you have built such a bond, you've known each other so long, you know so much about each other that you have total freedom with each other. It means that you can be yourself. It means that you have comfort in the fact I can go home and be myself, not feel like I'm always judged about everything.

I can go home and just, I love my wife, I love my husband. Growing up, my mom and dad, we lived in a travel trailer, a small Airstream travel trailer. But I'm gonna tell you something, growing up as an only child, I had freedom. I mean, I loved being at home.

You know why? Because it was uncomfortable sometimes to go to somebody else's house. Let's say I ask some of you if you don't know me very well and say, hey, would you come over to my house? First off, don't do it because you have no idea what's going on in my house, man.

We're medicating everybody and everything, it's great. But if you don't know me and I say, hey, come over to my house. You know what you would do? Any of you, if you said okay, you would come to my house, but you would probably be on almost kind of good behavior. If we don't know each other very well and you come over to the house, it would be a little bit odd if you just come in, hey, how you doing? Start going through my drawers, in my bedroom, you know. Hey, what you got over here? If you sit down, put your feet up on the table, you know.

And say, hey, would you give me a drink? Well, that's gonna be a little odd. You know why? We haven't gotten to that freedom level yet.

And we probably won't. But what's warped about dating nowadays and relationships is oftentimes they go from that frivolous level to immediately that feeling level. They get involved primarily in relations that aren't right.

They've never determined if they have anything in common with Christ or anything. And then they go right to that freedom level and they found out they never went through the factual level and the fellowship level. And what we have nowadays is a product many times of how dating has changed over the years and courtship has changed. Now we have marriages that sometimes are at that freedom level and the husband and wife find out we're not getting along.

We don't have very much in common. And then what people say is I just married the wrong one. And you say, Brother Hawkes, do you think it's possible to marry the wrong one?

Yes, I do. But the moment you said I do you are now married to the right one. And you ought to do everything you can do to stay together and if that doesn't work you've given everything you can do then you put it under the blood and you go on with life. And I'm going to tell you some of you have been through that. Some of you have been through divorce and you know exactly what it's like. And I'm here to tell you God's not done with you. God can use you to do great things in your life. What I'm trying to do is you sitting right here I'm not worried about your past, I'm not worried about what's happened, I want to salvage and make sure we have strong families right here.

That's what I'm after. I read this, I thought this was good. The speaker at a woman's club was lecturing on marriage and she asked the audience how much of them felt like they had to mother their husbands. One lady in the back row raised her hand and the speaker said, you feel like you have to mother your husband? And the lady looked at the speaker and said, mother, I'm sorry, I thought you said smother. Some wives would love to smother their husbands.

They'd love to half slap them and kill them. What are some problems in communication preacher? I'm glad you asked. I believe number one, we lack communication skills. Do you know oftentimes it's really not that a man and a woman don't want to communicate, it's really not that they're not willing, they just don't know how. And I don't always recommend things, but at the end tonight and through this process, I'm going to recommend different books. There's a lot of books that are good. Just because I don't recommend a book doesn't believe that he must not like that book. I can't recommend all of them. But may I say this, if you're desiring skills in communicating, one of the best books you can get was written by a man that lives in Winston at the Calvary Baptist Church in Winston. But Dr. Gary Chapman, and I've met him, spoken with him, he and his wife, but he wrote a book, The Five Love Languages, many of you have heard. If you don't have the skills of communicating, get that book.

Start there. Find out how to communicate with each other. You see oftentimes it's the fact that we just don't know how. Now sometimes it's just I know how, but I don't want to. I don't want to put forth that effort.

But oftentimes in a marriage, it's not that a husband or wife is not willing, it's just I don't know how. Second, you know, what are some problems in communication? Second is self-centeredness. Remember what we read in First Peter chapter two? The Bible says that these things that Jesus did, he did as an example that we should follow in his steps. Look at verse 24. Who his own self bear our sins in his own body on the tree. I mean, Jesus was, I guess you would call it the Jesus of selfishness, of self-centeredness. I mean, if anybody was unselfish and unself-centered, it was Jesus. And oftentimes you and I, we can't communicate.

You know why? Because the individual partners, maybe one or both, are so self-centered that communication can't proceed. Third reason is this, unresolved problems or an unforgiving spirit. Let me tell you about that in verse 22 and 23 of First Peter two that we just read. It talks about how Jesus was reviled, he was abused, and yet he reviled not again. Let me read you a verse, if I could, Hebrews 12, 15, looking diligently, lest any fail of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled. Unforgiving spirit, that can absolutely stop communication because I don't forgive you, and I'm not gonna forgive for what you've done. And listen to me, dear friend, I am not one that says that you need to forget it.

It would be wonderful if you could. But let's be honest, and I have preached on that verse, and many of you commented that one time I preached on that and thanked me for it. The Bible does not say that you have to forget it. It says when it comes up, deal with it. Lest any root of bitterness, what does it say?

Springing up, that means it's going to spring up. That means when you get hurt, somebody does something to you, it's gonna come back up, and it's gonna come back up in your mind, and there's gonna be certain things that remind you of it, but when you are reminded of it, once again, forgive, because God's forgiven you. Number four, problems in communication, number four is this, the distractions of life. In 1 Peter 2 that we read, verse 25, it says, For ye were as sheep going astray, but are now returned unto the shepherd. This is what Jesus said about us.

What does he call us? Sheep. What are the characteristics of sheep? Sheep are dumb. Why are sheep dumb? Because sheep are easily led astray by every little thing that distracts them. You can have a pack of sheep, something will distract them, and that sheep will leave that fold. That's why shepherds have to keep them together. That's why the Bible says the 99 sheep that the Savior said he loves us so much that he would go after that one lost sheep.

You know why? You and I get distracted so easily in life, and oftentimes we don't communicate with our mates because we have so many things going on in our life that our marriage takes a backseat to everything. And dear friend, look at me. Your marriage ought to be the front seat. You say, well, I'll give my life to my kids. You're not gonna give them anything if your marriage falls apart. You need to give them that.

That ought to be your priority. Number five, the difference of the temperaments. That's often a problem in communication. Listen to me. When you dated, you were on best behavior. And little things in somebody's temperament, what did we say when we dated? It's cute. It's cute when she does that. She's feisty. She'd be like, oh, he's just a big old bear.

Yeah. And then you get married, and that little thing that you say, oh, that's just so cute. You know why it's cute? Because you were just in love, and you just couldn't wait to get married, but then you got married.

And it wasn't cute no more. And oftentimes, after you get married, you find out there's things in temperaments that are different, and there's things, and when a husband can have a certain kind of temperament and a wife has a certain kind of temperament, they don't cohesively get together. It's not really easy, and it's not real simple, and it's complicated to have any kind of communication. Number five, oftentimes we have problems in communication because of insecurity and fear.

First Peter chapter three verse eight says that, finally be ye all of one mind having compassion one of another. You know why oftentimes husbands and wives don't communicate? Because they're scared of it. They're scared of what might come out. They're scared of what they might hear. They're scared of what that might mean they have to do. They just rather leave everything the way it is, and you know what, we don't get to talk, communicate a lot, but at least we're getting along, at least we hadn't divorced, and we're just gonna go on, listen to me dear friend, God did not save you to be status quo. God has given you a victorious life through him. If anybody oughta have a good marriage, it oughta be born again Christians.

It oughta be us. You know why? Because not only should we just be good people, but we have Christ in our hearts, and we oughta live like Christ, and we oughta love each other like Christ loves us. I wanna give you a couple things, I'm almost done. How do we practice proper communication? Number one, husbands need to learn to be more sensitive. You say, oh, hold on preacher, you're jumping on the men already. What do you mean I need to learn to be more sensitive? My wife needs to learn to shut her mouth.

Okay, we'll get to that in a minute. First Peter chapter three, verse seven, let me read this to you men. Likewise ye husbands dwell with them, who? Your wives, dwell with them according to knowledge, notice this, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel. That means men that you should be more sensitive to her.

That means we should realize that you know what? I don't treat my wife like I treat some guy at work. I don't talk to my wife like I talk to somebody. My wife is special. And she, the Bible says that I am to treat her as the weaker vessel. Doesn't mean your wife is the weaker vessel. It means that you should treat her in such a careful, tender way. Men oftentimes we don't, we don't, we don't, we're not sensitive to their feelings, we're not sensitive to their needs, we're not sensitive to their desires, we're just not sensitive. And a lot of times it's not because we don't wanna be, we just don't know how to be. Second is this, that in order to have proper communication, both partners have to deal with self-centeredness. God bless you.