Divine Guidelines for Marriage B

Don't divorce your partner. You say, well, why would two Christians want to divorce? Well, in Corinth, you see, they were saying, well, celibacy is the only way to go.

Once you become a Christian, you've got to drop all the physical part, and you've got to devote yourself to Christ. We will now divorce and separate and give ourselves a crisis. Just forget it. Don't divorce. There is no divorce tolerated among Christians. Welcome to Grace to You with John MacArthur.

I'm your host, Phil Johnson. What does Scripture say about whom you should marry or not marry? What about if you're already married but you want out? What does God's Word say about that? John MacArthur helps answer those questions today in his series titled Guidelines for Singleness and Marriage, here on Grace to You. Today John focuses on the divine guidelines for marriage, a lesson to help you understand how your marriage, even if your spouse is an unbeliever, your marriage can honor God and help lead others to salvation.

And now, as you have your Bible, turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, and here is John MacArthur. Divine guidelines for marriage, divine guidelines for marriage, 1 Corinthians 7, 8 to 16. And you know, it's difficult in our world, I think, to maintain a marriage, to maintain any kind of a lasting relationship. And unfortunately, what we experience is not a historical phenomenon that is new.

It's something that has always been around. And if you go to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, you'll find that there was a terrible problem existing in Corinth, and it dealt with the whole area of marriage. And that is the problem to which Paul speaks in the seventh chapter. The Corinthians didn't really know what they should do in terms of marriage, or at least they weren't willing to admit what they should do and pose some questions to Paul about it. Last time, we looked at verses 1 to 7, and we saw in verses 1 to 7, general principle regarding marriage. And what Paul said, by way of a brief summary, is this, marriage is normal, marriage is for the majority. So there is the general principle. Marriage is normal, singleness is the exception, it's a gift of God.

If you have it, then it's something you ought to hold to and cherish as a special gift from God. Now he takes that principle in verses 8 to 16 and applies it to four groups. Four groups. First group is the single people. Second group is the people who are married, and both are Christians. Third group, those married to an unbeliever who wants to stay.

Fourth group, those married to an unbeliever who wants out. I say then to the unmarried and especially to widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. It's good to be single. If you're a bachelor, that's good. If you're a maiden who's never been married, that's good. If you're a widow or a widower, that's good.

There's nothing wrong with that, and good means beneficial, excellent, and just good. Second group, and here comes practical advice to those who are married to a Christian. This includes most of us. We have Christian husbands, Christian wives. Now what does he say to us? Verse 10 and 11. Under the married I command, yet it is nigh, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband.

And here he's simply saying Jesus already had something to say about it. Matthew 5 32, Matthew 19 9, and Mark 10 11 and 12. All three of those passages our Lord Jesus Christ says stay married. Do not divorce. Notice it says at the end of verse 10, let not the wife depart.

The word depart is a technical term for divorce. Don't divorce your partner. You say, well, why would two Christians want to divorce? Well, in Corinth, you see, they were saying, well, celibacy is the only way to go.

Once you become a Christian, you've got to drop all the physical part, and you've got to devote yourself to Christ. We will now divorce and separate and give ourselves a Christ. He says forget it.

Don't do that. Don't divorce. There is no divorce tolerated among Christians.

And let me add a footnote, very important footnote. Paul here is not dealing with a case of adultery. That is foreign to his discussion. In cases of adultery, listen to me, divorce was allowed among Christians. So we've seen the single people and those married to a Christian. Group three, those married to an unbeliever who wants to stay, verses 12 to 14. Now what happens in this situation? Let's say you've got a lady, and she says, you know, I've become a Christian, and my husband is an out-and-out pagan.

What do I do? Can I divorce him and marry a nice Christian man? That's a fair question. And then further, look at this. Look back at chapter 6, verse 15.

This is what Paul had been teaching. Listen, don't you know that your bodies are the members of what? Christ. Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them the members of a harlot?

God forbid. What? Know you not that he who is joined to a harlot is what? One body. For two sets he shall be one flesh, but he that is joined to the Lord is one spirit.

Now remember what we said about that? The Christian is one with Christ. Right? The Christian is a member of the body of Christ. If a Christian joins himself to a harlot, he defiles Christ.

Right? Can you see how the Corinthians would say, well, look, if I'm a member of Christ, if I'm one with the Lord, and I join myself to my pagan husband, am I defiling Christ? You see? That reasoning is possible. Wouldn't this be a defiling thing? If I would continue in this marriage, here am I, a member of Christ, joining myself to a member of Satan, am I not being defiled? Man, I've got to get out of this thing. And maybe some very conscientious people really felt that way.

Maybe they really did. What about a mixed marriage? What about it? Well, there are several things to think about in a mixed marriage. Number one, mixed marriages are forbidden when they can be prevented.

Right? Verse 39 at the end says, if you're going to marry, marry only in the Lord. So, the idea of a Christian marrying a non-Christian is totally in disobedience to Scripture. But what happens if you're already married and one gets saved? What does he say?

Do I have to throw him out? What about it? Well, look at verse 12. To the rest, that is, to those who are in mixed marriages, speak I, not the Lord. In other words, I'm not quoting Christ anymore. There is no previous instruction in the Gospels. Not that it isn't revelation.

It is. To the rest, speak I, not quoting the Lord. If any brother has a wife that believes not, not a Christian, but she is pleased to dwell with him, let him not divorce her. If you have an unsaved wife and she wants to stay, let her stay. Let her stay. And the woman, verse 13, who has a husband that believes not, if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. God doesn't want everybody getting saved and saying, well, goodbye, Charlie. That's it for us. Go out and find myself a nice Christian fella. No.

No. You know, it was a bad thing in the early years of Christianity that the Christians were accused of destroying family relationships. A lot of pagan husbands were really uptight about their wives getting saved. You know, for a woman to change religion without her husband was unthinkable.

But it was happening. And one of the things I was reading, and one of the ancient historians, Tertullian, was commenting on it. One of the things that the pagan husbands made a big issue out of was the holy kiss. And maybe the early church got a little carried away with the holy kiss. And one husband said, I don't want my wife going out spending all night at nocturnal convocations and paschal solemnities creeping into prisons to kiss martyrs. Well, so there were some things that were upsetting. And I'm sure some Christians who didn't behave wisely had some problems in their mixed marriages. It would be difficult not to sympathize with some pagan husbands and pagan wives whose partners were not behaving as they should.

But he says, look, if you have a partner who doesn't believe but wants to stay, don't divorce. Let them stay. Let them stay. You say, but wait a minute. Won't I get defiled?

Won't this union defile me? Well, let's find out. Look at verse 14.

Very interesting. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. Now, wait a minute here. You know something, folks. Not only is the believer not contaminated, but what happens?

The very opposite. You say, well, will I be defiled by the unbeliever? No, he'll be sanctified by you.

Fantastic. Instead of a Christian being defiled or made unholy, the unbeliever is actually made holy. Sometimes I ask a person, I say, do you come from a Christian home?

No. No, I'm the only Christian there. Do you know how many Christians it takes to make a Christian home? One Christian. You say, what do you mean? Everybody else in the house is sanctified by your presence.

Did you know that? You say, John, what do you mean by sanctified? That's a very strong word.

I know it's a strong word. Sanctified means set apart, holy. You say, but what's it saying here? Well, it isn't saying that the guy is automatically converted. It's not saying if a husband doesn't believe, he's saved anyway just because he's married to a Christian.

No. No, it isn't saying that. And it isn't saying an unbelieving wife is saved automatically just because she's married to a Christian husband. Well, what does the word sanctified mean? Well, this is what we call matrimonial sanctification.

And what do you mean by that? Well, that's just a term to distinguish it from spiritual and personal sanctification. You become set apart under God and holy when you believe in Christ. But just having been in a home or living in a home where somebody is a Christian has a sanctifying influence. Paul doesn't mean that the unbelievers automatically made a Christian by marriage. But what he does mean is that the marriage is benefited and that everybody in the house reaps the benefit. For example, two people when they get married become what?

One. If God blesses one of those who, one of that one, then the other one is going to get some of the spillover, right? That's all he's saying. Hey, if you're a non-Christian and you've got a Christian mate, you ought to thank God because your home is the recipient of the blessings of God. God pours out grace and mercy on that home. And just because you happen to be connected to that partner, you are the recipient of those things, short of salvation, but nevertheless far superior to living in a totally pagan home.

Marriage to a Christian creates a relationship to God for the non-Christian, though while it is short of salvation, it is far superior to pagan life. Listen, one Christian in a home makes a Christian home and graces that entire home. A gal came to me and she said, you know, that message was just what I needed to hear. She said, I never understood that. You know, she said, we had in our entire home, mom, dad, all the kids, just one Christian grandma. Grandma used to talk about Christ. Everybody thought, oh, grandma, cool it, you know, all three.

Nobody wanted to listen. And you know what happened? In the years that have passed, three out of the four children have come to Jesus Christ and all of them, she said, go back to the influence of grandma. You see, that kind of grace extended to the home through that one individual blessed of God will radiate to those who touch that life. Do you remember a conversation Abraham had with God in Genesis 18? Abraham said, God, if I could find 50 righteous people in Sodom, would you spare the whole city? God said, yeah.

Abraham came back and said, if I could find 45, would you spare the city? Yeah. 20? Yep. God, if I could find 10, would you spare the city? Yeah. Couldn't find 10, could he? But do you know something? Ten righteous people could have been the means of the blessing of a whole city of people.

Why? Because just being around God's people means you are the recipient of some of his sanctifying blessing. You know, you may be in a home where there's only one Christian and you know something, you are the beneficiary of the blessing of God upon that one person's life. Because you see, God sees mom and dad as one and God sees mom and dad and kids as one unit, doesn't he?

And he cannot pour blessing on one independent of the rest because in his eyes, they are inextricably linked together. You know, if you're not a Christian but your partner is, you ought to really thank God that you live in a home where God is at work because you are the beneficiary. You know, it's like when your wife gets a huge inheritance and you have nothing to do with it. You aren't even related to the people, but man, do you cash in.

It's the same thing. You're not even related to God, but you're cashing in on the benefits that he's pouring out on her. It's a blessed thing for an unbeliever to be married to a Christian.

Let it stay that way. Christian, if that's your, if your partner wants to stay, let him stay and sense the blessing of God. Who knows but what that sanctifying matrimonial grace might lead to saving grace, right? Now Paul goes a step further, kind of supporting his point.

He gives a little argument in reverse here. He says, else were your children unclean, but now are they holy. He's saying, if you were defiled by an unbeliever, then your children would be products who were defiled, right? And apparently that's what some of the Corinthians are saying. You know, my husband is not saved.

We've got to stop all sexual relations. You know, we might have a half breed. That's right, a half Christian, half pagan child, see. Well, what are we going, you know, we have, my husband is not a Christian.

I can't subject my children to that pagan influence. Wait a minute. They'll be defiled. No, no. He says, look, here's a simple fact.

Paul lays it down. Now are your children what? Holy. Your children, same word is sanctified. It should be translated the same as the earlier, sanctified. Your children are sanctified by the same grace, short of salvation, but nevertheless a kind of gracious life and the blessing of God is attendant on them. And if it's true that your children are sanctified and not unclean, then his reasoning goes backwards. It's true also that your spouse is also sanctified. Don't worry about being in a pagan home from that standpoint. If you're the only Christian there, God says that's a Christian home. If you're the only Christian there, God will pour out his blessing on you. And rather than you being defiled, they will be sanctified, both your spouse and your children.

And pray to God that someday that matrimonial sanctification will lead to gracious and total sanctification when you put your faith in Jesus Christ. So, if you're married to an unbeliever and they want to stay, let them stay. Let them stay.

Because that's to their benefit. Fourth group. And this will pick up everybody that hasn't been covered. Those married to unbelievers who want to go.

Some of you have that problem. You've got an unbelieving partner and he can't stand your Christianity and he wants out. Verse 15. But if the unbelieving depart, fight him. Is that what it says? Don't let him go. Who will give him the gospel? Is that what it says?

It says what? Let him go. You say, John, don't talk to me. Call up heaven, you know.

It's right there. If the unbelieving depart, let him go. In other words, this is where the unbeliever initiates the divorce. Let him go. Don't fight the divorce.

Don't go to court and fight the...just let it go. If he wants out, let him go. The word depart refers again to divorce.

It is a technical term for divorce. The unbeliever divorced the believer and the believer is told, let him go. Don't fight it. You say, don't fight it, but what happens to me when he's gone? I'm stuck for life. There's no adultery and I can't handle that. No, you're not stuck for life. Look at verse 15.

If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under what? Bondage in such cases. Do you know what?

You are what? Free. Free from what? From bondage. The bondage of what? The only bondage that marriage has reference to.

The bond of marriage. You're free. Free to what? Free to remarry.

That's what he's saying. You are free to remarry. You are no longer under bondage. And the word bondage is the word that's used in Romans 7, 2, when it talks about marriage being bound by the law to a husband. Marriage is bondage in Paul's vocabulary. And here he's saying, you are free from that marriage. You say, yes, but my, my, you certainly couldn't remarry.

Why? Doesn't say that. When God wants to say you can't remarry, he says it. Verse 11, if she departs out of a Christian marriage, she must remain what? Unmarried. But here, if the unbeliever departs and he gets to divorce, a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. So the marriage is ended. You see, desertion is like adultery in its effect.

It disrupts the tie. Don't fight it. Let him go. Don't fight it. Let him go.

Why? You say, why let him go? Because God has called us to peace. You know, one of the benefits of being a Christian is to have a peaceful life, the peace of God, a gracious life. And you know that there's nothing that God needs less than constant fighting, tension, frustration, and turmoil in a home. A fighting, angry, quarreling home is not God's objective.

Nor people is marriage primarily a foundation for evangelism. Well, I'm going to hang on to that guy until he gets saved. You know, you'll just drive him right out.

He wants to go. Let him go. Let him leave rejecting Christianity, not hating you.

But there's going to be one objection because some conscientious Christian is going to say, now listen to me. If I do that, if I let him go, I lose the opportunity to see him saved. If I let him go, who's going to bring him to Christ? I lose the opportunity to bring him to Christ and salvation. So Paul deals with that in verse 16. He says this, for what do you know, oh wife, whether you're going to save him? Or how do you know, oh man, whether you're going to save your wife?

Don't go on that premise because you don't know that. He's not saying here keep them so you can save them. He's saying let them go because you have no guarantee you will. And in the meantime, you will destroy the peace that God intends to give.

Let him go. Who saves people? Who does? God. And one thing that God has never really needed is quarrelsome, tension-filled, angry, hostile homes in which to save people. He doesn't really need that. He can do it without it.

Let him go. Marriage is not primarily an instrument of evangelism. And to cling to a marriage which the unsaved is determined to end will only lead to terrible tension. It is God who saves.

Paul answers the question, doesn't he? What if you're single? Is that good? Good. Be single. If God's given you a gift, be single.

Use it for his glory. But if you burn, get married. But what if you're married to a Christian?

What do you do? Stay married to him. Fulfill that marriage to the very limits physically and in every way. Well, what if you're married to an unbeliever who wants to stay? Let him stay and grace his life and the life of your children with your blessing that comes from God. Well, what if he wants to go?

Let him go because God has called you to peace. But who will witness to him? Don't worry about that. You have no idea that you're even the instrument. God knows and God will do it in his way. What is the upshot of all of this? I can only say it in closing like this.

Whatever God has given you as your marital state, accept it as his will and maximize it for his glory. I can only think of one song when I was kind of wrapping my thoughts up. You know what it was? It was this. My life is yours, God. Here's my response. Have thine own way, Lord. Have thine own way. Thou art the potter.

What? I am the clay. Mold me and make me after I will.

That's all. If you've chosen to make me single, that's good. If you've chosen that I should marry, that's good. If you've chosen that I should be married to an unbeliever who wants to stay, that's good.

If you've chosen that I should marry and I'm married to an unbeliever who wants to go and he goes, that's good because I am free and maybe God has another for me. I don't know what God wants for you, but I know this, that his will is purposeful and will be fruitful as we abide in it. We're going to close in a minute with just prayer, but I want to say this. We assume when we teach the Word of God that the Spirit of God just sort of picks up the words that carries them to your heart and that he sort of does a planting work.

We were out yesterday digging holes in the ground and sticking plants in and I thought about the Holy Spirit, how he just takes the Word and plants it. And I know that he's done that in your life today and maybe in response to what he's doing, you're feeling some things inside and you're saying, you know, I want to say God your will, your will, your will. If you need to pray, seek counsel about that, maybe you just say, hey, I'm one of those unbelievers who needs to get on in. I've sensed some of the grace that kind of flows around Christians and I'd like to be a part of it.

Whatever the need of your life, there's a lot of it. If you're willing to say to the Lord, you have your way with me, whatever you want, we'd love to help you pray with you, get you going in the right direction. Let God have his way in your life today and he might bear the fruit that he wants to bear through you to his glory. Thank you, Father, for with clarity and practical insight instructing us and we do pray that we would be obedient to your will in all things and we'll praise you in Jesus name.

Amen. You're listening to Grace to You with the verse-by-verse Bible teaching of John MacArthur, Chancellor of the Masters University and Seminary. Today's lesson is from his series titled Guidelines for Singleness and Marriage. Now, John, if I may, let me describe a situation that sometimes happens, sadly, even in marriages between Christians. The relationship between the husband and the wife becomes strained and distant or unfulfilling, sad, and it may be that way for a long time and the couple know that they shouldn't get divorced, but is God really glorified in that couple's decision to stay together? How can that kind of relationship be something that God would want to remain intact?

How do you answer those questions? Well, I don't think God wants any bad relationship to remain bad, any sinful relationship to remain sinful, so God wants people to stay together, but he wants them to stay together in righteousness and holiness and love and sacrifice and humility. So it isn't that God wants you to just grit your teeth and stay married because he hates divorce. He wants you to find the path for marital joy. And look, I have to believe that if you're a Christian, that is possible.

That is available. The Bible says if you walk in the Spirit, you won't fulfill the lust of the flesh. The Bible says if you walk in the Spirit, your life will be marked by love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control.

Well, if those are the characteristics of your life, if you're marked by love and joy and peace and gentleness and all of that, there's no reason in the world you can't have a wonderful, flourishing, joyful marriage. So again, God hates divorce. God wants people to stay together, but he doesn't want them to grit their teeth and grind out a painful relationship. He wants them to get their hearts right with him, come to true salvation in many cases, obviously, that's the real issue, and then live a Spirit-filled life.

And I do want to mention a free book. Years ago, I wrote a book called The Divorce Dilemma, and it is a dilemma. I know for a lot of people, we've certainly suggested that in just the words that you heard a moment ago. But we know that people struggle with the reality of divorce when conflict comes into the home. And the question comes up, is it right? Is it wrong? Is it ever right?

Does God ever allow for it? So that you can understand what the Bible teaches on divorce, this is a book that we would give you free if you ask us. That's right, a free copy of the book, The Divorce Dilemma. Divorce is confusing and conflicting because so many people say so many different things. The book will unpack key portions of Matthew, 1 Corinthians, letting Scripture speak for itself.

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That's right, friend. Even if the word divorce is not in your vocabulary, you'll benefit from knowing everything Scripture says about the subject. Again, this book is free if you've never contacted us before. So request your copy of The Divorce Dilemma today. Call us at 800-55-GRACE or make your request online at GTY.org. This book shows you what it takes to avoid divorce, what you need to know if your marriage is falling apart, and what God says about couples who've already been through a divorce.

Again, The Divorce Dilemma is free if you've never written or called before. Just call us at 800-55-GRACE or go to our website GTY.org. And remember, Grace To You has thousands of free resources online to help you understand and apply God's word. So whether you're looking for biblical insight on parenting, or you want to know what the Scriptures say about spiritual gifts, or how to know if you're called to full-time ministry, visit GTY.org. There you will find blog articles, sermons, and other Bible study tools that will help you grasp the life-changing truth of God's word. Our website again, GTY.org. Now for John MacArthur, I'm Phil Johnson, reminding you to watch Grace To You television this Sunday, and then join us Monday when John continues his series, Guidelines for Singleness and Marry. Guidelines for Singleness and Marriage, with another 30 minutes of unleashing God's truth, one verse at a time, on Grace To You.