Handling Your Unresolved Conflicts

If you're going to be the man or woman God has called you to be, He will not allow you to merely sweep unfinished business under the rug. You've got to deal with what you did wrong. And here's why.

Because there is no statute of limitations on properly addressing the wrongs we've done to others. That's Pastor Paul Shepard and this is Destined for Victory. Hello and thanks for stopping by. Do you have any unresolved conflicts in your life? Relationships that need to be repaired because of something you did?

If so, you're in good company. Today Pastor Paul takes us to the story of Jacob and Esau, a sibling rivalry that festered for 20 years before it was resolved. As you follow along, pay special attention to the way Jacob humbled himself during those two decades of estrangement from his brother and the way God blessed him as a result. Today's message comes your way next. Stay with us here or visit pastorpaul.net to listen on demand.

That's pastorpaul.net. With today's Destined for Victory message, handling your unresolved conflicts, here is Pastor Paul Shepard. Brothers and sisters, let me remind you before I get into this installment in the series, how important it is for you to live by resolve because your emotions are fine in the vehicle of your life, but never let them get behind the wheel. Don't let your emotions drive.

They don't have a license and even if they have a license, they're not on the insurance. You got to make sure whatever you do, don't let the way you feel drive your life and so we're learning that from the word of God. Jacob made his brother think, oh man, I'm going to hook you up with this stew and Esau lost a lifetime of provision and status in the family because of one moment's desires. I don't care how wonderful an experience can be, it's not worth a lifetime of blessings. You remind yourself of that the next time somebody who has no business hitting on you is blinking and winking at you and talking to you all at the gym or in the elevator.

Come on somebody trying to help you. Somebody who's just looking at you, talking about how you're doing. I'm doing fine and I'm going where I'm supposed to be going and we don't need to discuss much else. Amen, you got to do it because I don't care. You go, oh, but I tell you what experience you can have.

I don't care what kind of experience it is. At the end of the day, it's going to be over in a matter of moments. Amen. The devil make you think like, oh, you know, I mean some of these romantic songs when it comes to illicit relationships, especially some of these romantic songs will mess you up if only for one night. Let me take you home so I can keep you safe and warm. Luther said like a baby. Come on, listen, that sound all sweet and wonderful. He talked about an illicit relationship. Somebody you have no business going home with and if only for one night just sound like, oh my goodness. In the morning you will figure out the cost of that one night. I don't care if the earth shook, the mountains roared, the angels wept. When it's over, it's over and now you got to pay the price and too often the price carries baggage for years and years if not for an entire lifetime. And so Jacob tricked his brother into thinking this is wonderful. I'm going to hook you up. I'm gonna keep you from dying. The reality is he should have turned that meal down, gotten some water, got into the shade and got himself together.

Then he could make a decent decision, go in the house and fix him a bologna sandwich and you have to learn to not let your emotions drive. Now I want to take you to Genesis 27 because really the point of this part of the series is not so much to look at the first transaction where that birthright was concerned but it is then the second transaction where Jacob and his tricky mama steal the blessing, the patriarchal blessing that is intended for the eldest son. In the interest of time, let me just talk you through Genesis 27. Here's what happens. Rebecca overhears Isaac requesting that Esau go out, hunt game, come back and cook and serve his dad Isaac a delicious meal after which Isaac said he's going to bestow the patriarchal blessing on his eldest son.

So this was a big deal. This was the day that Isaac said, I'm getting old. Let me make sure my son has been blessed as the eldest so that the hand of the Lord is upon him as he prospers and as he takes the family name and enterprise into the next generation, he needs to do so with a blessing, the patriarchal blessing on his life and so Esau, this is his day where he's going to get the blessing of his pop and so he goes out, his dad has requested and he's going to hunt game, bring it back, cook a meal that he knows his dad loves and then after his dad has eaten that meal, he's going to bestow the blessing but listening in is mama Rebecca. She overhears the conversation and she goes back to her son Jacob. This is a dysfunctional family.

Yours is not the first dysfunctional family and she goes back to her son and says, your father is planning to give the blessing to Esau so he just sent him out to hunt game and prepare the meal that he likes and then he is going to bless him but we need to intercept that with our own plans. Where did Jacob get tricky from? He's named trickster. He's named Jacob, which means trickster, deceiver, supplanter, con artist, whatever you want to call it, that's what Jacob means and he was named that from the birth but not only did he have it in him in terms of his personal instincts, he was raised by somebody who was good at being tricky. See trickiness wasn't just nature for him, it was also nurture.

He had it in his nature but he also had it in his nurture, meaning he learned how to be tricky from his mama who was the queen of tricky and she shows you right here in this chapter, she says look, here's what we're going to do. We're going to go to our own flock. I want you to kill a couple of goats in our own flock while your twin brother's out hunting. We're going to cook from our own flock and she said, I know how to fix it if just like my husband likes it and then I'm going to give it to you and you go in, tell him that you are Esau. And Jacob says, wait a minute mama, that's not going to work because I'm not hairy, I'm smooth skinned.

You know how some folks say it. I'm not hairy like he is. My clothes don't smell like him because he's a man of the open country.

He's always out there hunting and he smells like it and you know me, I'm suave, I'm around the house all the time. And so Rebecca said, no, I'm going to put your brother's clothes on you. I'm going to fix up some places on your smooth skin and put some hair there so that when your father who can hardly see the Bible describes it, they're here in this chapter as his eyes are dim. That means he's almost blind. He can barely make out little images and he said, I'm just going to fix you up so when he feels you, you feel hairy. When he smells you, you smell like your brother and you have your brother's clothes on.

Don't worry, I'm a hook you up. And Jacob, when you read it, Jacob is saying, I don't know because I don't want to, I don't want to be cursed because if he finds out we're doing this instead of pronouncing the patriarchal blessing, he'll pronounce a curse on my life. I'm not trying to be cursed. And Rebecca said, don't worry about it. I got this right in your Bible. She said, I got this. In fact, if you read it, she says, if it goes wrong, may I receive the curse? Now that's a veteran tricky person. She ready to be cursed us. If this doesn't work, I'll take the curse.

Some of y'all got to watch who you hang with because you're fooling with veterans at doing the wrong thing and you get good at what your practice and so you got to watch who you're spending your time with. And so Jacob says, all right, I'm gonna trust you. And he goes out and kills the goats in their flock and, and brings it back in and mama starts cooking and preparing it and would have your long story short, they fix it up.

She does all the makeup and gets her son ready and takes it in for Isaac. We'll be right back with more of today's Destined for Victory message from Pastor Paul Shepard. To listen to any of Pastor Paul's recent broadcasts, be sure to stop by pastorpaul.net to listen on demand. That's pastorpaul.net. And stay with us after today's message when Pastor Paul joins me from his studio in California.

But first, let's tune in to the rest of today's teaching handling your unresolved conflicts. Once again, here's Pastor Paul. Isaac smells a rat. He said, wait, wait, wait, wait. Who are you? I'm Esau.

Come here, let me feel you. Came over there and he felt all the hair and he smelled the clothes. And he said, you sure you Esau? He's really unsettled about this. Yeah, yeah, I'm Esau. He said, then how come you got back so quick with the food?

If you went hunting, it usually takes much longer to hunt game. How you get back this quick? Watch when you read it, watch what he says. The Lord blessed me. Oh Lord have mercy. Y'all have lied on God himself.

Has anybody lived long enough to learn? Sometimes when you are carnal, you are distinctly doing things that displease God and your carnal nature in that moment doesn't even care. He said, God's blessing me. And he went on and ate the meal, enjoyed it. And bottom line is after the meal, he blessed Jacob thinking he's blessing Esau and pronounce it. You read it when you get a chance.

Here's what happens after that. In fact, go to verse 30. Let me read you a few verses. Now what happened as soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob and Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau came in from his hunting. He also made savory food, brought it to his father and said to his father, let my father arise and eat of his son's game that your soul may bless me. Verse 32, and his father Isaac said to him, who are you? He said, I'm your son, your firstborn Esau.

Then look at this. Isaac trembled exceedingly and said, who, where is the one who hunted game and brought it to me? I ate all of it before you came and I have blessed him and indeed he shall be blessed. The blessing wasn't something you could withdraw and then recast it elsewhere.

When it went out, it's done. And he said, I blessed him. He's blessed indeed. Verse 34, when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with an exceeding great and bitter cry and said to his father, bless me, bless me also, oh my father. But he said, your brother came with deceit and has taken away your blessing. And Esau said, is he not rightly named Jacob? For he has supplanted me these two times. He took away my birthright and now look, he has taken away my blessing. Look down at verse 41.

So Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing with which his father blessed him. And Esau said in his heart, the days of mourning for my father are at hand. Then I will kill my brother Jacob. So it looked like pop going to die. So I'll wait till he dies.

We have the prescribed days of mourning. Soon as that's over, I'm all killing. You see that right in your Bible. I'm a kid. I'm not going to hurt him. I'm going to kill him. You know, brothers usually scrap and sometimes they'll tussle around and what have not. Ain't no tussling nothing. He's out of here.

Soon as we mourn pop, he's out of here. Here's what I need you to understand. Rebecca sees that Esau is comforting himself with murderous fantasies. Read verse 42 and you'll see.

Rebecca went and said, Ooh, your brother mad. In fact, he is comforting himself thinking about how he's going to kill you. Now y'all sitting up here, you're looking real holy, but I bet you there are a few folks in this audience and many more listening to the radio or listening to a CD or somewhere who can relate to how Esau felt. You look holy now, so you don't want to admit it with your big Bible right there in your lap. But some of you know what it's like to be so angry, so mad that you could take somebody out.

Thank you for the witness. Just take them out. I'll figure out the consequences later. You know, a lot of people say, huh, you don't want to catch the case.

I don't care about catching the case. I will happily go. You can get there. Some of you have been there and he's comforting himself with thoughts of killing his brother. So Rebecca says, so because that's going on, go on and, and leave town.

Leave the whole region. That what I want you to do is go down to your uncle Laban's house, go to uncle Laban and live there for, for days, weeks, maybe a few months. She said, but, but before long you'll be able to come back because your brother's a raft will turn away. Oh, she didn't understand. You know, somebody, oh yeah, give them a few days to cool off.

How many know that comes sometimes when people don't cool off? What is going on has to be dealt with at a very deep level and Rebecca's just saying, don't worry about it in a few weeks, whatever. He'll, he'll be fine.

Then you can come on back home. So she sends him down to her brother's house in another region altogether and he stays there. Rebecca's thinking for weeks. Guess what? It turned out to be 20 years, 20 years.

He's living down with uncle Laban and them. This brings me to a critical point. One of the greatest fears you can have is the fear of facing a person or persons you have wronged, but face them. You must, if you're going to be the man or woman God has called you to be, he will not allow you to merely sweep unfinished business under the rug.

He will not allow you to pretend like you have nothing to be addressed. You've got to deal with what you did wrong and here's why. Because there is no statute of limitations on properly addressing the wrongs we've done to others. Make a note of that or keep that in your head and in your heart. When you have wronged somebody, you can't say, oh man, that was 15 years ago. Oh, that was 30 years ago.

You cannot do it. If you want to be the man, the woman God's called you to be, you're going to have to realize that you must deal with what happened. There's no statute of limitations. So Jacob is estranged from Esau for all of the 20 years that he's living down with Laban and them. During those years, he lived a full life, but he still had to deal with this thing sooner or later. He got married. Not only did he get married to one woman, he got married to two of them, right?

You remember that? He met Rachel, fell in love with her, said, Lord is my shepherd. I see what I want.

And Laban, that's Laban's daughter. And he said, I want to marry her. He said, all right, well, you got to work seven years. You got to work seven years for me. You want my daughter? Seven years.

All right. And in fact, the Bible says it seemed to him like a few days, seven years seemed like a few days because while he's working hard, he'd look over and see Rachel. And then he'd go back to working some more. Inspired. How many of you ladies inspired your husband? That's why he married you.

He was just so inspired by you. Y'all scared to raise your hands. All right. Seven years of labor. Finally, it's over. He says, all right. And the wedding date is set. And in that culture, they introduced the bride into what would be the honeymoon chamber. We would kind of refer to it in darkness. And he's in there thinking he's with Rachel. But when the morning comes, you know what happened? The light hit that tent. He saw a layer. He said, what is this? He went out, said, Uncle, what'd you do? You know, I was working for Rachel. And Laban said, oh, you mean I didn't tell you? See, Tricky runs through the whole family. She sent him to her tricky brother. Her tricky brother said, you want Rachel, but I need to marry off my eldest daughter. So I'm not going to talk to you about it. There's just a custom. You don't need to know about it until after the fact.

The next morning he finds out about the custom. No, no, you can't marry Rachel till this one's married. I'm setting you up to be blessed with Rachel.

Do you see that same tricky tendency? So now, okay, so you want Rachel, that's another seven years. Thanks so much for being here for today's Destined for Victory message, handling your unresolved conflicts. Now, I'm pleased to welcome Pastor Paul Shepherd, who joins me from a studio in California. Pastor, many of us put some real thought into what we name our children, our businesses, even our pets. Many of our listeners have wondered how we got our name Destined for Victory.

So let's talk about that for a moment. Well, I really take Paul seriously when he said God began a good work in us, and he's going to bring it to completion, which means our lives are journeys. All of us are somewhere in our journey, not only of chronological time, but we're on a spiritual journey. I want to make sure that I help you navigate well on your spiritual journey.

I want to make sure that I help people avoid pitfalls where possible, or at least learn that they don't have to be fatal. I know what it is to have failure in my life, but I also know what it is that failure doesn't have to be final if people will put their trust in God, repent when they mess up, and let the Lord restore us and make us the people he's destined us to be. The fact of the matter is, if God be for us, it doesn't matter who or what is against us, we're going to get to that place of ultimate victory in Christ. Well we say it all the time here on the broadcast, in Christ you are Destined for Victory. God said it, we believe it, and we hope you'll join us in the mission to share the good news with as many people as we can in the days ahead.

Destined for Victory is supported 100% by friends and partners like you. When you send a generous gift to Destined for Victory, we'll gladly send you, by request, Pastor Paul Shepherd's booklet, Trusting God in Scary Times. That's Trusting God in Scary Times, which is a companion guide to the messages you heard earlier this week, and it's our gift to you for your generous donation to Destined for Victory. Just call 855-339-5500 or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory, post office box 1767, Fremont, California 94538.

Again, our address is Destined for Victory, box 1767, Fremont, California 94538. God insists, if I'm going to bless you moving forward, you got to deal with what is behind you in the way that I instruct. And once you deal with it, then I'll let you move forward and be blessed. And some of us need to join Jacob on this journey. That's tomorrow in Pastor Paul Shepherd's message, handling your unresolved conflicts. Until then, remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are Destined for Victory.