Creating a Relational Legacy, Part 2

Some relationships are limited to a particular reason or season and so you have to learn not all relationships are permanent, at least in the way you've related to them. You might know them the rest of your life, but some people play a certain role with a certain season and they're in your life for a certain reason and you got to discern that and learn how to work. How do you know when a key relationship is supposed to come to an end? Find out next on today's Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Sheppard.

Hello and thanks for stopping by. Today Pastor Paul and his wife Meredith remind us that sometimes relationships are only designed for a specific reason and for a specific season. Now there are times when we see relationships end and that wasn't necessarily God's will, but sometimes it is.

The key is knowing how to discern which is which. Today's message is straight ahead. Stay right here or visit pastorpaul.net to listen to Destined for Victory On Demand.

You can also download the podcast at Google or wherever you enjoy your podcasts. Now here are Pastor Paul and his wife Meredith with today's Destined for Victory message, Creating a Relational Legacy. Now let's go back to our theme verses.

Honey, would you read the two theme verses from Psalm 90 verses 10 and 12? Amen. And so we're continuing talking about how to create a relational legacy because we're keeping the end in mind. This is all about getting ready for the inevitable. One day you and I are going to check out of here and folk are going to say stuff about you and I'm trying to help you make sure what they say about you is good.

Amen. So we're looking at how to impact key relationships and I talked about five categories that I want you to think through as we're processing this. The first is your key family members, those family members that you deal with on a regular basis, both in your immediate family and even distant relatives if you have regular dealings with them. Number two, your key friends and acquaintances and not all of us have friends because a friend loves it at all times and friends are a certain type of person but a lot of us have acquaintances that we do interact with regularly. I want to help you with that relational legacy. Number three, your mentors or advisors. I want to help make sure that you're dealing correctly and some of you need to invest in letting people be intentional about mentoring you and advising you.

Some of us, your problem is you're too smart for your own good and what I mean by that is you're not as smart as you think you are and you really do need the wisdom that some other folk are going to bring into your life if you allow that. Number four, go ahead. Just a little side note. I said last Sunday that sometimes we know we ask for a mentor but what we really need is a friend and sometimes there's a breakdown in the relationship when we try to make a mentor a friend. That's good. Good stuff. So make sure you know what it is you're trying to get and don't try to take a mentor and make them your best friend because they might have other people to ment.

So anyway. Number four, your key associates and teammates. Some of us, all of us need teammates and associates to help us get done what we have to do in life and so you want to make sure those relationships stay sharp. And then finally, you ought to have mentees and apprentices, people who are learning from you, growing because of your influence in their life. So those are five key areas that you want to make sure your relationships are strong. Now we already covered some ground I can't repeat.

We talked about Matthew 18. Some of us have to learn how to work through conflict. We're going to talk a little bit more about that today but you got to make sure conflict is just part of relationships. Quit getting upset and surprised when a relationship with a person who loves you and who you love goes sour.

Sometimes that happens but sour doesn't mean permanent disconnection. We got to learn how to resolve conflict so that we can move forward. But here today, what we want to continue this by talking about are a few things. Here's one. Some relationships are limited to a particular reason or season and so you have to learn not all relationships are permanent, at least in the way you've related to them.

You might know them the rest of your life but some people play a certain role in a certain season and they're in your life for a certain reason and you got to discern that and learn how to work through that. So what we're going to do is bring up a couple of biblical examples. One is in Genesis 21 verses 9 through 13.

Here's what it says. And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian whom she had borne to Abraham scoffing. You all remember that? When Isaac's being weaned, which means he's a practice in Bible times that probably meant he was right around two years old, he's being weaned and his older brother who Abraham had with Hagar is now a teenager. And the teenager is looking over at the little boy and he's scoffing and making fun. And Sarah, who is Isaac's momma, who had the baby at 90 years old, which means she's a mom, a grandmom, great-grandmom all wrapped up in one. She had the baby and she look over and see this other woman's teenager mocking her child. Sisters, come on.

You all know what that was like. And look at what the Scripture says here. Therefore, verse 10 of Genesis 21, therefore, she said to Abraham, cast out this bond woman with and her son, for the son of this bond woman shall not be heir with my son, Isaac. And the matter was very displeasing in Abraham's sight because of his son.

Watch this. We're talking about relationships that don't always stay the same. Verse 12, but God himself said to Abraham, do not let it be displeasing in your sight because of the lad or because of your bond woman. And all the married women have this underlined in their Bibles. Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice, for in Isaac your seed shall be called. And then God tells him, because he knows he's distressed about his oldest son, yet I will also make a nation out of the bond woman's son because he is your seed.

But look at this. God's saying, put her out, put a baby out with her. That relationship, as it has been, is done. Every now and then a relationship is done, and when it's done, you have to realize God himself says, if you do it my way, sometimes you will have to dismiss someone from your inner circle. Even though they were in there for a while, when that season is up and you begin to see the signs of it, that's when you have to be willing to say, Lord, I'm going to give this person to you.

Because at the end of the day, we can't ensure each other's future. Sometimes you have to put somebody in the Lord's hands. That's what the Lord told Abraham. Give him to me. I'm going to take care of your son.

Don't worry about it. But he got to leave this house. So God said in effect, I don't know where he's going, but he's going to have to get up. You want to say something more about that? Because I know you can relate to the Sarah and Hagar part of it. So just share as the Lord would lead you. It's just important to learn as believers that there are seasons to relationships.

And it took me a very long time to learn this. I felt that as a Christian, everyone who came into my life was supposed to stay in my life. And it was my job as a good Christian to keep them in my life. And so I went through a lot of undue and unnecessary conflict internally, not with people, but internally trying to hold on to something, trying to live a, quote, unquote, Christian life and keep people in my life that their season was simply up. So I would encourage you as you grow and mature and listen to the word that you look at relationships in light of scripture and see that it is OK when people grow apart. But we keep our unity and our fellowship in Christ. Some people are no longer my very close friends, but they will always be my brother and sister in Christ. That's good. And so sometimes we have to realize that when a person can't play the role they used to play, you still wish them well.

If there's something you can do practically. Abraham sent them away with provisions, but he had to send them away and let them go. And he couldn't be running down behind.

Let me just see how they do. And that wasn't his place. He had to give them to the Lord. You all have some people that you've got to give to the Lord. And when you do, he will take care of them. Now, let's go to another case study.

I'm going to ask my wife to lead on this one. Ruth Chapter one, verse 14. I remember the story of a man named Elimelech, who with his wife, Naomi, and their two sons left Bethlehem during a famine and went down clear down to another place, Moab, where they lived for years during the famine in Bethlehem among God's people. Of course, Moab, they're not among God's people, but they went down there. No need to you saying, I wonder if that was God's will.

Don't worry about it. Sometimes you've got to realize that Romans 8, 28 is always in effect. Even if God himself didn't tell them to go, he knows how to work all things together for good. So they went down to Moab, but all three men, the dad Elimelech and his two sons died.

The sons had married down in Moab. Now these girls are widows, and Naomi, the matriarch, is a widow. I'm going to have my wife read verse 14 and talk you through that. So verse 14, start at verse eight. Okay, start at verse eight. Okay, so Ruth Chapter one, and I'm going to begin at verse eight and read through 14. And Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, go, return, each to her mother's house. The Lord, deal kindly with you as you have dealt with the dead and with me. The Lord grant that you may find rest, each in the house of her husband. So she kissed them and they lifted up their voices and wept.

And they said to her, surely we will return with you to your people. But Naomi said, turn back, my daughters, why will you go with me? Are there still sons in my womb that they may be your husbands? Turn back, my daughters, go, for I am too old to have a husband. If I should say I have hope, if I should have a husband tonight and should also bear sons, would you wait for them till they were grown?

Would you restrain yourselves from having husbands? No, my daughters, for it grieves me very much for your sakes that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me. And verse 14 says, then they lifted up their voices and wept again and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her. Coming up next, the rest of today's message, creating a relational legacy with Pastor Paul Shepherd and his wife, Meredith. If you've never stopped by our website, pastorpaul.net, I invite you to do so today. You'll find all of Pastor Paul's recent messages on demand, plus a host of great resources at our online store, including books and DVD messages from Pastor Paul. Learn about the ministry and about all the great things Friends like you are doing through your prayers and financial support. It's all at pastorpaul.net. And if you love listening to this program, we know you'll enjoy watching selected video clips by subscribing to Pastor Paul on YouTube.

For more details and links to all of his social media, visit pastorpaul.net. The Book of Ruth gives us a great example of what healthy relationships look like. One daughter-in-law chose to stay with Naomi.

The other did not. Let's hear more about this story and how it can help you in your own relationships in the rest of today's message, creating a relational legacy. Once again, here are Pastor Paul and his wife, Meredith.

I like this story. This story has ministered so much to me because it shows a godly example of the end of a relationship, a parting of the ways, but it is a very gracious goodbye. And Naomi says to her daughters-in-law and to Orpah, as Orpah is walking away, the Lord deal kindly with you as you have dealt with the dead, meaning her husband and her sons, and with me.

The Lord grant that you may find rest each in the house of her husband. So she kissed them and lifted up their voices and wept. Why I like this is because as Orpah walks away, you don't see Naomi rolling her neck.

You know, you don't hear of her bad mouthing Orpah. You know, I gave you my son and now you're walking away from me. It reminds me so much of a movie.

Actually, it was the movie Mommy Dearest. And when Joan Crawford and one of her boyfriends were breaking up, she's begging him to stay. And the bottom line is he just said, I will always speak well of you.

I wrote that in my journal that night because I realized that you don't have to part ways in an ugly way. Naomi, she uttered a benediction. She blessed Orpah as she went. She prayed over her. There was affection exchange. She didn't cut ties and cut her out of her heart. She kissed her. They wept together. They lifted up their voices and she gave her a blessed benediction.

We can have the same kind of maturity and attitude when we part ways with people that we love. That's good stuff. That's good. Now, notice the wisdom of Naomi.

She said when the girls first wanted to go with her, she said, wait a minute. I know we've been together these years as you've been married to my sons, but this is a new season where I'm going. I'm going back to what for me is home. That place is not home for you all. You all have never been to Bethlehem. You are not of Israel. And so it's not home for you.

Why would you follow me to what will be a foreign place for you? And then look at her wisdom. She said, I'm too old. Even if I were miraculously to get married and to wait and have two more boys, you all going to wait to become the first Cougars? She said, it makes no sense.

Let the ladies coming later do the Cougar thing. Right now, you all need to just stay put. Orpah says, you got a point. You have to be okay with the people who recognize and agree I can't go with you into your future. Some people walked with you fine in your past and in your present. But if a time comes when God is sending you in a certain direction and they don't fit, you got to let them go and give them the same benediction that Naomi was willing to give to Orpah. Have you ever tried to drag somebody into your future who had no business going with you there?

If you have, you already know you could preach this part of the sermon. But the fact is, some people are there for a reason or for a season. And when that season's up, when the reason's fulfilled, wish them well. Say, hey, God be with you and let them go. Some of you all don't have the gift of goodbye, but after service, I'll be right here sitting in my at the end of these services. Now I'm pulling my chair right there so I'm still distanced and I'm greeting folks. If you need the gift of goodbye, I won't touch you.

I'll just wave at you. And the anointing of goodbye will hit you. I have learned that some of the best words you can get used to are goodbye, see you later. Them some good words, y'all. Because some people just don't belong anymore. Sometimes you see it in their face, in their attitude, you hear it in their words.

Have you ever had somebody who's physically there but they're not there? They're done. It's over. They're not feeling you like that anymore. Some of you all who had a bad breakup, quit letting them be bad. If he got to go, sister, he got to go. I know he got shoulders. Don't worry about it. Say goodbye to all them shoulders, pecs, everything.

Because if he don't belong there, after a while he going to get on your nerves and you ain't going to want nothing to do with him or them pecs. Now let me get back to the word. And I just want to add quickly, sometimes when the season is over, don't ghost people. Saints, don't just poof, disappear, walk away with never an explanation, with never a final farewell. And it doesn't have to be as formal as what Naomi and her daughters-in-law experienced. But it's just better.

You don't have to visit pain and discomfort. And it makes people go through changes when you suddenly just disappear from their lives with no explanation at all. And it may not feel good to say, you know, we're just going in two different directions. I love you. But, you know, I'm just moving on.

Just like these women, Naomi was going back to Bethlehem and Orpah stayed in Moab. So I would just say, as believers, we are supposed to love one another and to treat one another well. So my word here is don't ghost people. Don't just disappear out of their lives without saying anything and causing them to wonder what happened, what went wrong. And you never answer them. I don't know about you, I've experienced that, where people just disappeared and you were in relationship with them.

And I've called, I've made phone calls, sent letters, been to the house, not opened a door. That is a horrible testimony. And one of the things that we said in the very beginning when Pastor Paul was talking about this series, keeping the end in mind. I shared the scripture last week from Proverbs 10 and verse seven.

The memory of the righteous is blessed, but the name of the wicked will rot. And we want to leave a good legacy even in our relationships. We may have had conflict, we may have had a season come to an end, but we don't have to walk out of each other's lives in an ugly way. We can bless one another by doing it God's way.

Amen. All right, here's another key point, trying to help you create your relational legacy. There are some relationships where conflict has created a significant problem. However, choosing to throw the person away is usually not God's will. I'm going to say that again.

There are some relationships where conflict has created a significant problem. However, throwing the person away is usually not God's will. Usually when we're throwing folks away, it's out of our flesh, it's out of our feelings, and it's not necessarily what God would have. Thanks so much for being here for today's Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Shepherd and Meredith Shepherd. To hear any recent message on demand, including today's teaching, creating a relational legacy, visit pastorpaul.net. That's pastorpaul.net.

It's a great site to find out more about Destined for Victory. You'll find resources at our online store there, or you can make a safe and secure donation. In appreciation of your generous gift today, Pastor Paul will send you a booklet that goes hand in hand with the message you're hearing, creating a relational legacy. Pastor Paul and Meredith spent three days talking about what God says about how we can improve and strengthen our personal relationships. That's the message you heard today, and we'll continue to hear all this week.

Well, this booklet highlights the major themes of that message. It's called Creating a Relational Legacy, and it's our gift to you this month by request for your generous gift to Destined for Victory. So call 855-339-5500 or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory, post office box 1767, Fremont, California 94538.

Once again, the address, Destined for Victory, box 1767, Fremont, California 94538. Now, if you need prayer today, the Destined for Victory ministry team would like to join you in prayer. From the homepage at pastorpaul.net, use the contact us feature to let us know how we can pray for you. While you're there, be sure to ask for Pastor Paul's monthly letter of encouragement, yours at no cost or obligation. To create a strong and God-honoring relational legacy, you must always put people before prosperity, property, and personal ambition. I'm going to say that again. To create a strong and God-honoring relational legacy, you must always put people before prosperity, property, and personal ambition. That's tomorrow when Pastor Paul Shepherd and his wife Meredith share their message, Creating a Relational Legacy. Until then, remember, He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are Destined for Victory.